How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too! - Self-Esteem and a Positive Parent

Written by Sal Severe

It Wasn't Like That When I Was Growing Up

Why doesn't discipline work the way it did 20 or 30 years ago? Why don't the old-fashioned methods work? Why is being a parent so demanding and confusing? Parenting is more difficult because childhood is more difficult. Children are under pressure. Pressure to make adult decisions with the experience and emotions of a child. Pressure from peers. Pressure from school. Pressure from the media. Pressure that seeps down from the pressures on the parents. Pressure on our children translates into problems for us.

There are several changes in our culture that have a tremendous impact on discipline and our roles as parents. Our economy has created financial tension in families. Parents come home stressed. Their fuse is short. The rising divorce rate affects all of our children. Today, there are schools where 4 out of 5 children have experienced divorce. Single parenting is stressful.

Twenty years ago, everyone in the same town or neighborhood had the same values and beliefs. No matter where you went to play, the rules were the same. Everyone's parents had the same expectations. This is no longer true. Every family has their own standards. Our children experience many versions of right and wrong. This is confusing to children.

How do these changes in our society affect the way you discipline your children? Why won't the old ways work today? The old ways were simple solutions for a society with simple problems. Today's problems are more complicated. They require refined solutions. Our children live in the future, not the past. We have to cope with the adversity of our times. If you want to be a successful parent, you have to know how to discipline today's children. Parents need training. Not because parents are incapable, but because parenting is no longer simple.

Three Successful Promises

There are two promises that every parent needs to make to become more successful. Promise to have courage to be open and accept new ideas. If what you are doing is working, stick with it. If not, then have the courage to try something new.

Promise to have patience - plenty of patience. If your child is twelve years old, he has had twelve years to develop his behavior patterns. Give your child time to change. This is where most parents fail. We have gone from one hour dry cleaning to one-hour photos to one hour eye glasses to 30 minute tune-ups. Microwave dinners, car phones and express lanes have conditioned us to expect instant gratification ion. Technology has taught us impatience. We believe that because we are trying a new idea, changes should take place overnight. A few days is not long enough to test a new idea. Some methods take weeks to show improvement. Be patient.

Promise to practice. Every parent must practice. Even me. My children do not care one bit that I am a school psychologist who teaches parenting classes. When I'm home, I'm Dad. I get tested just like you. I have to practice, too. If you are willing to read about new ideas but do not practice them, give this book to someone else and buy a magic wand.

Summary

Children learn good behavior. Children learn misbehavior. Behavior does not occur by magic. It is not inherited. A well-behaved child is not the result of luck. Be encouraged - if children learn behavior, then children can learn to change behavior. Parenting behavior is also learned. Good parenting skills do not appear suddenly and instinctively. You can learn to be a more successful parent.

This is a book about parent behavior. It teaches you to examine your own behavior and determine when you are part of the problem. It prepares you to support yourself when your children tell you they hate you. It shows you how to stay calm when your button is being pushed. This book enables you to build healthy self-esteem in your children. It explains how to teach your children to think for themselves and withstand peer pressure. This book teaches you how to enjoy being a parent.

If you are in pursuit of well-behaved, well-adjusted children, you need to understand how your behavior is connected with your child's behavior. That's what I hope to teach you in this book. I hope to teach you how to behave so your children will, too!

Changing Your Behavior: Where to Begin

As you read the ideas in this book, you may think, "Sounds great. That will really work for me." Reading about a new technique is not the same as practicing a new technique. Practicing a new idea means changing your behavior. Any change in behavior means changing habits. Habits are not easy to change. Old habits are comfortable, new ones are not.

As you continue with this book, you will be learning about successful parent behaviors. You will be reading about strategies and techniques that you need to use more. You will learn about parent behaviors that are counter-productive. You will need to practice doing these behaviors less. You will also find that many of your present ideas are appropriate and need no change. As you read, make a list of behaviors that you need to practice more, behaviors you need to practice less, and behaviors that are appropriate and should be continued.

Since it takes about a month to develop new habits, review your list two or three times a week for the next four weeks. This review will help you solidify your new habits more quickly.

Excerpt reprinted with permission from foxcontent.com

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