Teach your child about decision-making and to recognize when he has made a good decision.

Children make decisions all the time but often are not aware that they are doing so. There are a number of ways parents can help children improve their ability to consciously make wise decisions. Children make decisions all the time but often are not aware that they are doing so. There are a number of ways parents can help children improve their ability to consciously make wise decisions.

1. Help the child clarify the problem that is creating the need for a decision. Ask him questions that pinpoint how he sees, hears, and feels about a situation and what may need to be changed.
2. Brainstorm the possible solutions. Usually there is more than one solution or choice to a given dilemma, and the parent can make an important contribution by pointing out this fact and by suggesting alternatives if the child has none.
3. Allow the child to choose one of the solutions only after fully considering the consequences. The best solution will be one that solves the problem and simultaneously makes the child feel good about himself.
4. Later join the child in evaluating the results of that particular solution. Did it work out well? Or did it fail? if so, why? Reviewing the tactics will equip the child to make a better decision the next time around.

Develop a positive approach to providing structure for your child.

All kids and teens need to accept responsibility for their behavior. They should learn self-discipline. To help children learn self-discipline, the parent needs to adopt the role of coach/teacher rather than that of disciplinarian and punisher. Learn the "Three Fs" of positive parenting. (Discipline should be fair, firm and friendly). You can learn the basics on positive parenting by clicking to Parenting 101. Another useful resource is the 45 minute video, Building Your Child's Self-Esteem.

Ten additional steps you can take to help your child develop a positive self-image:

1. Teach children to change their demands to preferences. Point out to children that there is no reason they must get everything they want and that they need not feel angry either. Encourage them to work against anger by setting a good example and by reinforcing them when they display appropriate irritation rather than anger
2. Encourage your children to ask for what they want assertively, pointing out that there is no guarantee that they will get it. Reinforce them for asking and avoid anticipating their desires.
3. Let children know they create and are responsible for any feeling they experience. Likewise, they are not responsible for others' feelings. Avoid blaming children for how you feel.
4. Encourage your children to develop hobbies and interests which give them pleasure and which they can pursue independently.
5. Let children settle their own disputes between siblings and friends alike.
6. Help your children develop "tease tolerance" by pointing out that some teasing can't hurt. Help children learn to cope with teasing by ignoring it while using positive self-talk such as "names can never hurt me," "teases have no power over me," and "if I can resist this tease, then I'm building emotional muscle." (If your child has significant problems getting along with other children check out No One To Play With in the CDI Store).
7. Help children learn to focus on their strengths by pointing out to them all the things they can do.
8. Encourage your children to behave toward themselves the way they'd like their friends to behave toward them.
9. Help your children think in terms of alternative options and possibilities rather than depending upon one option for satisfaction. A child who has only one friend and loses that friend is friendless. However, a child who has many friends and loses one, still has many. This same principle holds true in many different areas. Whenever you think there is only one thing which can satisfy you, you limit your potential for being satisfied! The more you help your children realize that there are many options in every situation, the more you increase their potential for satisfaction.
10. Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. People who take themselves very seriously are undoubtedly decreasing their enjoyment in life. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one's overall enjoyment.

Children and teens with learning disabilities and attention deficit disorder may need extra help in developing a positive self-image. For children with ADD we recommend you and your child go through the Focus program. If children are struggling with reading, there is no better way to help them than by getting and playing The Phonics Game with them. Likewise, if they are struggling with arithmetic, The Math Game provides a fun and effective solution. Both these games use advanced teaching methods within a context that provides motivation, builds self-esteem and positive parent/child relationships. Children and teens with ADD & LD can also learn to effectively cope and overcome their learning problems and feel good about themselves through the help offered by The Tuned-In, Turned-On Book About Learning Problems.

Finally, enjoy your children. Hang out with them. Do things together as a family but also see that each parent has "one to one" time with each child on a regular basis. For better or worse, our children learn from our example. Spending time with each child allows for full communication. Your child can share his thoughts and feelings openly. You can provide acceptance and (once in a while) guidance. Be heavy on the listening and provide lots of praise and encouragement. Depending on your own religious beliefs, you may find that helping your children develop a strong spiritual faith of their own will allow them to grow and develop into the children they were born to become.

next: Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss