We know how we want to parent and we try. Most of the time, we at least come close. If you are like me, you need reminders once in awhile. The following are common sense parenting tips that make the job of raising children less of a hassle for parents and children.

Rules and Expectations

Children need limits and we have to set the limits and enforce them. Of course it is hard! That's why parenting is work.

1. Make rules and establish expectations that are reasonable and appropriate to the child's age, maturity, and abilities. If you are having trouble with a child not meeting your standards, check with other parents to see if your standards are fair.
2. Make rules only if you are willing to expend the time and energy to consistently enforce the rule. Arm-chair parenting doesn't work. Yelling and nagging is hard on everyone. Children believe what we do, not what we say we are going to do.
3. Communicate your expectations to the child, simply: Speak at the child's level of understanding. To check for understanding, don't say, "Do you understand?" Children will always say "yes". Instead, ask the child to explain back to you what is expected.
4. Offer limited choices instead of "What do you want?" unless a free choice is acceptable. Avoid the if-then struggle. Instead try "when you do this, you can do that."
5. Say "yes" every time it is possible. Save the "no's" for when it counts.
6. Don't make a rule or a threat that cannot be enforced.
7. Expect children to test every rule. Don't be surprised! Know what the consequences will be before you are tested. Let the children know what the consequences are before they do the testing.

Avoiding Problems

The time required to avoid a problem is always less than the time required to resolve the problem.

1. Make expectations clear and expect to repeat them frequently. If the child cannot verbally explain what is expected or physically demonstrate it, try again. Children are new learners. They need time and lots of patience.
2. Think ahead to possible difficulties and take action: reduce boredom, restructure difficult time periods, plan for transition time when a change in activity is required, and prepare for new situations.
3. Give attention to the behaviors you want to encourage: "Catch them being good." Any behavior that draws attention of any kind will be repeated.
4. Don't expect more from the child than you expect from yourself.
5. Don't act as if the child did something on purpose when, in fact, it was an accident. Embarrassment and humiliation do not encourage fewer accidents.
6. Listen to your child's feelings. Feelings are more important than the events and circumstances that are responsible for the feelings.
7. Trust your child to solve his or her own problems and learn from their own mistakes. Such lessons are learned faster and the results last a lifetime.

Talking Mistakes

Typical parenting language causes problems. If we can change our "first response", we can do a better job of parenting.

1. Don't ask a child if he did something wrong when in fact you know that he did. This encourages children to lie. Get on with the necessary discipline.
2. Don't ask "Why did you do that?" or "What happened?" when a problem occurs. Neither question is necessary. The children never know and it wouldn't change the situation if they did. Calm down and do what has to be done.
3. Don't try to be fair by finding out "Which one of you did this?" If you didn't see who did it, discipline all present unless the "guilty" person admits to the "crime".
   Criticism does not teach children better behavior. Direct constructive comments at a child's behavior, not at the child's character. Constructive criticism includes restating original expectations and checking for understanding.