If we want our children to do well in school and take responsibility for learning, we need to think about morning routines. We send our children to school ready to learn or ready to be taken care of. These are mutually exclusive concepts.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, author of How to Parent So Children Will Learn, explains the basics of the parents role in education better than anyone. "Imagine children who are awakened by parents in the morning half a dozen times, scolded to get up, nagged to get dressed, nagged to eat breakfast, nagged to get their school books ready and nagged to get out the door.

As these children enter school, they have already incorporated a nag-dependent pattern. They feel negative about themselves and have learned that other people will take responsibility for them. That pattern will be generalized into the classroom and these children will expect teachers to take responsibility for them throughout their day. So home nagging generalizes to school nagging." That's why morning routines are important in helping children learn.

To begin with, a point of accountability is necessary.

It can be breakfast or cartoons or another desired free time. Everything must be done before this point; all obligations must be met. Parents must decide what these chores will be and discuss it with the children. Use written checklist or pictorial checklist if necessary.

Establishing a good morning routine takes four steps.

• First, announce to the children the guidelines for the new beginning. Every day they will be expected to get themselves ready for school. A parent's job will be to await them at the breakfast table for a pleasant morning chat.
• Step two: The night before, all preparations will be taken care of. Clothes will be layed out, books and homework will be ready, and the alarm will be set to allow plenty of morning time. Rushing will not be allowed. Children as young as four may use their own alarm clock.
• Step three: Children wake themselves up (absolutely no calls from others), wash, dress, and complete any chores specified in their checklist. Breakfast comes only when they are ready for school. Absolutely no nagging allowed, no matter what.
• Step four: A pleasant family breakfast and conversation about the day ahead. Parents wait at the breakfast table and are not anywhere around the kids prior to their meal together.

When does this begin? Kindergarten!

And what if this doesn't work?

If parents want it to work, it will. It takes resolve on the parents' part and complete follow through on consequences, but it will work.

What happens if the kids don't dress in time for breakfast?

No breakfast. It won't take too many times before they get the idea. Independence is worth a few hunger pains.

What if the kid doesn't like to eat breakfast?

That's where cartoons come in handy. Or afternoon snacks. They must lose something they value.

What happens if they don't get up?

They miss school that day and must spend the entire day in their room (no television or stereo or electric diversions). They also need to go to bed earlier until they find waking up easier. Yes, it's worth taking a day off from work to enforce the rule. It won't happen again.

What happens if they don't have enough time in the morning?

What happens if a parent must drive them to school on the way to work and they aren't ready?

Take them along in any stage. Let them finish getting dressed in the car. Establish a time to be in the car and enforce it. Stay calm and they'll get the idea.

Does this really work.

Dr. Rimm says, "Always with elementary aged children, sometimes with high school students, never with students who want to skip school." With difficult children, it may take a long time. Don't give in or give up.

Why go to all this trouble?

Because in the long run, it won't be any trouble at all. Children will become independent and confident in their ability to order and structure their life. This confidence carries over into everything they try to do. Independent children make independent learners and it is a lifetime accomplishment.

Dr. Rimm's books are excellent and can help every parent who wants their child to succeed.

next: For Self-reliant Kids, Start Early