From Parents!

Question

What about when the "offense" is that the kid doesn't want to leave his room? Sometimes the problem is to get him out of there, or to do something while he's already there (like get dressed). What do people suggest?

From Al:

1. closed the door to his closet
2. had him sit on the floor in front of the closed door, facing the closed door
3. set the windup timer on the floor just out of reach behind him...

   Facing a closed door can be pretty boring, so he begged me to just spank him and get it over with. I hadn't spanked him in over 2 years, so he knew that wasn't really an option. Haven't had trouble getting him out of his room since.

From Jenny:

One of the things we found very important is to make sure that no toys are allowed in our son's room. He has plenty of books to read; but all toys are kept downstairs and he's allowed to bring one into his room to play at a time; he must return it to the downstairs play room before bringing another up. And he's not allowed toys in his room unless all chores or tasks are completed. What this means is that when he's sent to his room for timeouts, he doesn't have such a great time because there's no entertainment. If he breaks the toy rule, he loses that toy for a period of time.

We treat all pleasurable activities: playing, TV, having friends over or going to their house, etc. as "earned privileges" and not cooperating will lose him a privilege quickly. We used to have problems with our son taking his Ritalin after school. Sometimes he'd lock himself in his room and refuse. BUT - with no toys in there, and me refusing to get steamed up about it, his recalcitrance soon lost its punch and whatever point he was trying to make. I'd tell him," you have 5 minutes to come to the kitchen and take your medicine, or your day is over. See you tomorrow morning." Then I'd walk away. He'd sulk, frown, pout and fume, but by the 4-1/2th minute, he was in the kitchen taking his medicine.

From Lori:

We do time-out in the bathroom. It's easy and very boring for them. I've found my oldest, 9, brushing his teeth in time-out.

Question

What about using a lock on the kid's door. Can locking a child in a room be a reasonable thing to do? Is it child abuse?

From Val:

My son, now 10, was a holy terror as a pre-schooler. This was long before he was ever diagnosed as ADD and I was at my wits end as to how to discipline him. My sons doctor RECOMMENDED that I should send him to his room and put a lock on the door so he can't get out. I myself was reluctant to do that, for I felt that it might be form of child abuse. The doctor said that as long as I removed anything potentially harmful from the room, and stayed within hearing distance, it was not abuse. He said it was the best method of discipline to use in his case because of the behavioural problems. I ended up putting locks on his closets, and putting his dresser inside the closet. He used to climb on them and the risk of them falling on him was too great to leave them out.

The advice of the latch by the doctor is the best advice I ever got. I didn't have to yell at him, or get frustrated because he kept coming out. He would kick the walls and door, scream, yell, and cry at first, but once he realized that the only way he could get out was be behave, he decided to co-operate. My son is now pleasure to have around (most of the time) even if he is over-active.

One of the added advantages of the latch method is that it puts distance between the parent and child, each of whom need a little breathing space to cool down when things get "hot."

I do not believe my child suffered any psychological damage and all. He knew exactly where I was, and he knew what he had to do to be able to come out of his room. I haven't used the latch for years, but when I send him to his room he doesn't come out again unless he has permission.

next: When Siblings Fight