What do all those beautiful homes in magazines have in common? Fine furniture? Perfect accessories? Luscious carpet? Not even close. Those gorgeous living rooms and kitchens don't have kids in them.

If they do, the kids were only allowed in for the photograph. If you are a stay-at-home parent with young children, affording such furnishings is out of the question. Console yourself with the knowledge that a good environment for children will never make the cover of House Beautiful.

Your home should safely offer the children in it a chance for independence and responsibility.

A careful selection of physical surroundings can actually eliminate behavior problems. Children often misbehave when they are frustrated. Imagine the daily frustrations encountered by a two year old. Everything they need is too high. Someone has to hold them up to: get a drink of water, use their toothbrush, wash hands, wash face, get a favorite toy or book, reach their clothes, use a towel, and on and on. Lights are too high and can never be turned on when needed. Two and three year olds NEED a light in the dark.

If parents would spend the day on their knees, they would quickly see why the "I do it myself" child gets frustrated.

The right surroundings can solve those problems.

For every problem, there is a solution. Children's stores and mailorder catalogs have devices that can make a child's life easier. When a child can do for himself, he feels better and acts better. A self-reliant child makes life easier for a parent as well.

• For example, there are devices that easily attach to a light switch so that even the shortest two year old can operate the switch.
• A sturdy stool in the bathroom makes the sink accessible for toddlers.
• In addition, bathrooms need a towel rack at child level.
• Add paper cups to the bathroom and children can get a drink of water for themselves. Note: I know they will play in the sink, use forty paper cups a day, and squeeze all the toothpaste out of the tube.
  • They need to play in the sink, give them toys to use and show them how to mop up the floor when they finish with the towel they can reach.
  • If the cups are all used up, leave a plastic cup in the bathroom with the child's name on it. It's less sanitary but they all drink from the same paper cup anyway.
  • As for the toothpaste, if they used in at all on their teeth, praise them for brushing between meals. Most parents learn to keep the toothpaste on a high shelf next time.

A child's room is another place where the environment needs to fit the child.

Try looking at your toddlers room while sitting on the floor. What can you see? Can you see the decorations on the wall? Are all the fun toys out of sight? Are the electrical outlets the only exciting thing in view? Parents can do something about this.

When designing a child's room, think "self-reliant". Don't decorate, facilitate.

• Every child needs a low mirror for dressing practice and for self-observation. Plexiglass mirrors are available at glass shops and can be cut to size.
• Closets need a bar low enough for the child to reach. Hooks at child level are even easier and more likely to be used. Note: Don't expect children to hang clothes on hangers until they are twenty-two. They can however, take clothes off and dress themselves by the age of three.
• Folded clothes need to be in low drawers or plastic bins on the closet floor.
• Toy shelves are better than toy boxes and less dangerous. Toy boxes swallow up toys and nibble children's fingers for lunch.

If you want a child to pick up toys, make it possible.

• It is often difficult to replace toys in the original storage containers. Watch for Dollar Days sales and invest in plastic dish pans and tubs for toy storage.
• It is easier to put all the Fisher Price people in one tub than to sort them out according to the exact group. Kids do not need their toys arranged like they came in the package. Kids are more creative than that.
• Tubs lined up around the baseboards are better than shelves for sorting toys. Children can only use the bottom shelves and shelves can't be picked up and carried to a different room at play time.
• A low shelf (15" off the floor) safely attached to the wall provides space on the shelf and under the shelf for a whole row of accessible toys.

When we look at a home from a child's perspective, we can make the child's life easier and more convenient. We also make a child very happy.

next: The Need for Play