Teaching Children to Give

Children are heavy into greed. Of course, if you have kids, you don't need anyone to point that out. This is the time of year when most parents develop severe worries concerning their children's sense of generosity -- or rather the lack thereof.

The wish-lists get longer every day and we seem to be fighting a losing battle. Television commercials, advertising circulars, and catalogs tempt children with items to add to their lists. Stores bombard children with tantalizing gift suggestions for almost three months. Every adult seems compelled to ask children, "What do you want for Christmas?" Is it any wonder children get greedy and think only of themselves?

"Getting" really IS fun and children are naturally self-centered. They see everything in the world as related to them and their experience. Real sharing is not self-motivated until the age of three or later. Children cannot see things from another person's perspective until the age of eight or older. Children naturally want to satisfy their own wants.

For children, such behavior is appropriate and understandable. Giving is a rewarding experience but how do we convey that message to our children? Children learn by what we do, not by what we say. We can set an example of giving from generosity and love if we want our children to develop a generous heart.

Just because self-centeredness is to be expected doesn't mean it is to be ignored. Parental guidance can do wonders in controlling greed.

Applying the Brakes on Greed

• Limit television exposure and trips to toy stores.
• De-emphasize wish lists by setting a limit on the number of items.

Even the youngest child accepts the fact that only a certain number of items go on the list "because Santa must have enough toys to go around."

• Help children understand that a list is just for wishing.

The surprise of Christmas morning is in seeing which items appear. If a child receives too much, nothing seems that important or satisfying.

• Offer constructive suggestions in helping their children select appropriate toys.

  Doesn't everyone know that Santa only brings toys that parents approve?

How to Teach Generosity

While trying to contain greed, we can emphasize giving. We cannot simply demand that children be generous and charitable. Generosity must be taught. Teaching is a process made up of experiences in giving, especially at Christmas when getting is such a priority for children.

Help kids make their gifts

Young children can share in the excitement of making special gifts and preparing such items for giving.

Don't be surprised if a child under the age of four wants to keep the gift for himself. In fact, plan on it. Prepare enough cookies to give and some to keep. Let a child give friends exactly the same thing and make sure there is one extra for the child. Giving friends a copy of a favorite book or a toy "just like mine" is also a good idea.

By the age of four, children are ready to share in the planning and anticipation of giving gifts. Anything the child can make or help make is a better choice for teaching the joy of giving. Have you ever seen a grandparent who preferred a store-bought gift to the gift of a child's own labor? A special ornament created by a child can become a treasured gift.

If gifts are purchased, allow kids to use their own money

If children want to give a store-bought gift, it is necessary that they select the gift (with guidance if possible). A small gift purchased with their own money will mean more to both the recipient and the giver. Office supply stores and hardware stores are worth investigating when the money is limited. Small but important looking gifts can be purchased on tiny budgets.

Generosity can be taught.

Christmas for children is what we make it. We can talk about the spirit of Christmas and how much better it is to give than to receive or we can make the necessary plans for our children to experience the joys in giving.