How to Teach Your Child to Have Real Relationships in a Techno World

Written by Dr. Steven Richfield

Any advice for parents wanting to help children escape from the superficiality of their current technology lives?

For better or for worse, cultural forces shape children's behavior, and ultimately who they become. Instant access to peers through texting, photo notification of one's social life, and overemphasis upon appearances and privileges, dramatically

advertisement

directs the cultural sources of identity One byproduct is the increased importance in projecting a persona that provides status and protects against risk to social position. In some cases, these factors prune identity by making a child's unique interests and talents a social liability. Equally concerning is the irrelevance placed upon authenticity. When so much communication occurs in text clips some children learn to only feel socially safe in shallowness.

If these issues resonate with your concerns as a parent, consider the following tips to upgrade authenticity within your children:

Comfortably start an ongoing dialogue about social roles and risks. Without sounding judgmental nor dismissive of peer concerns, learn how status, groupings, and implicit rules dominate social lives. Show restrained interest and ask questions about the extent to which they follow the "code" of socialization and may avoid showing their depth or compassion due to potential social fallout. Gently inquire about any conflict between the role they feel bound by, and the substance you know exists within them.

Identify and demarcate the parts of personality they feel safe to display within their peer group, and those they feel they must hide. Express understanding that authenticity or "letting your real self speak for you" is safe within certain situations and among certain people. Ask them to recall times when they were able to overcome the shallow safety of the social code and deepen encounters with peers. Encourage discussion of how satisfying it is to "be real" because it makes people feel closer and more connected to their true selves.

Ensure that children see both parents demonstrating authenticity in their day to day dealings with one another. Boys will value authenticity more when they see fathers show their softness and express a wide range of feelings when relating to all family members. Similarly, girls benefit when mothers reveal their true selves to their daughters. And all children grow in their humanity when authenticity is valued in families through a verbal sharing and caring that permeates interactions.

When shallowness surfaces in your child make a mental note and talk about it at a later time. Don't be afraid to broach the topic or you may be subtly condoning it. If you saw a callous disregard or deliberate ridicule of a sibling's authentic expression, bring it to their attention. If an opportunity for them to tell about an evocative and similar experience was not taken, ask them if the thought crossed their mind. When you encourage and model depth during these encounters you just might help your child maximize their potential for authenticity and depth in relationships.

Dr Steven Richfield is an author and child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting, PA Contact him at 610-238-4450 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Ed. note: Detailed information on parenting skills here.

Visit Dr. Steven Richfield's site The Parent Coach, right here at HealthyPlace

next: Coaching The Overly Controlling Parent~ back to: Parenting Articles Table of Contents