Coaching Caution To The Risk-Taking Teen

Written by Dr Steven Richfield

A mother writes:

We feel like we live on the edge of our seats with out teenage son's tendency to throw caution to the winds in his life. What advice do you have?

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Adolescence is marked by upheaval in social and emotional life but one aspect tends to have a meteoric effect upon parental worry: risk-taking behaviors. Whether it be experimenting with dangerous substances, driving recklessly, or pursuing thrills beyond the limits of physical safety, many teens lack discretion in decision-making. Especially in the company of peers this tendency to dismiss caution in favor of careless fun can meet with very serious consequences. Injuries to oneself or others, damage to reputations, or arrest records that impact college entry are just some of the more stinging effects of thrill-seeking in adolescence.

If your teenager seems to be easily enticed by the excitement of risk here are some coaching tips to consider:

Approach the discussion with confident directness, labeling specific past examples as risk-taking behavior. Expect to have your label dismissed, or even laughed at, but don't back down. Emphasize the potential consequences of certain incidents even if your teen was fortunate enough to avoid them. Suggest that you are not surprised by their indifference since th is lack of foresight contributes to the problem. If they are wounded by your words and begin to walk away, reply with, "Please take the following words with you:- you think you can evaluate risk but20you don't see risk in many of the very risky things you do so maybe you really can't. Maybe your perception of risk is flawed, especially when friends are around."

Follow up at a later time, but this time in a more gentle, educational way. Bring back up the notion of "flawed perception of risk" but cushion it with the statement that most teenagers don't assess risk very well. Emphasize that although this capacity improves with age, some teens are very thrill-seeking and must pay the costs of their carelessness for months, years, or the rest of their lives. Explain how their style sometimes goes beyond the "norm" even for teens and the fact that they have friends alongside does not changer that fact- it just makes it easier for them to pursue risk. Educate them about how the presence of other risk-taking peers can turn what may be perceived as risky into harmless fun.

When the time is right, offer them self-evaluative tools to protest themselves. Certain self-questions have the potential to guide them to safer decision-making. "If I was by myself would I view this as a risky situation?" is one such question. Another is "If my friend chose not to do this would that change my mind?"

Explain how these and other questions "place an event on pause" long enough to truly think about and try to realistically evaluate danger. Other tools include talking to their friends about the risk they invite into their lives. This may seem self-evident to parents but the thought of talking to friends about living life a little more safely may not even occur to teenagers! A third idea is20for them to "gracefully exit" when they sense that things are heading for trouble.

Consider the deeper psychological issues that may be motivating the risk-taking behavior. While it may seem cliché to suggest that risk-taking teenage boys are just trying to " prove their masculinity" it is still worth exploring with your teen. Moreover, there may be other potential explanations to consider, such as self-doubt or social insecurity, that pushes a teenager to live in the edge. Sensitively su ggest that there may be other issues that are behind their behaviors.

Dr. Steven Richfield is an author and child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting, PA. Contact him at 610-238-4450 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Ed. note: Detailed information on parenting skills here.

Visit Dr. Steven Richfield's site The Parent Coach, right here at HealthyPlace

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