Speaking Out for Yourself: A Self-Help Guide - Steps to Being An Effective Self-Advocate

Written by Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A.

Page 2 of 8

Steps to Being an Effective Self-Advocate

Believe in yourself.
The first step to become an effective self-advocate is to believe in yourself. Believing in yourself means you are aware of your strengths, know that you are worthwhile, and are willing to take good care of yourself. Many people who have troubling emotional symptoms or who have a disability struggle with self-esteem. To ask for what you need and want and to protect yourself when others treat you badly, you will need to support your self-worth.

You will want to assess, appreciate, support, and improve the way you feel about yourself.

Assess: On a 1-10 scale, what is your self-esteem? If you're undecided, give yourself a 5.
Appreciate: Give yourself credit for as much self-esteem as you do have. It can be really hard to hold one's own in the world, and you deserve appreciation for every point you've been able to hold on to. Forgive yourself for the points that lie between you and a 10. You've done the best you can. Also give yourself credit for reading this booklet.
Support: What do you do for yourself that supports your well-being? Write down those things, like eating well, making sure you have fun regularly, or pursuing your goals. Write only the good things you do right now, appreciate yourself for them, and vow to continue.
Improve: Think of something you'd like to change to improve your well-being. It can be just one small thing that's easy for you that you'd like to stop doing or begin to do such as exercising more, signing up for a class, or watching less television. It may even be getting out of bed. Sometimes deciding is enough, but here, it is helpful to make a step-by-step plan of how you are going to change if you need to.

Exercises to raise Self-esteem

Get together with a trusted friend. Divide a block of time in half, for instance, 20 minutes divided in half would be 10 minutes each. Then, take turns telling the other person everything good about them. Just think, 10 minutes of compliments!
Go to the library and get a book on building self-esteem. Do any of the suggested activities that feel right to you.
Repeat over and over the affirmation: I am a unique and valuable person. I am worth the effort it takes to advocate for myself, to get what I want and need for myself, to protect my rights and to insist that others treat me well. Think of other affirmations that you could say to yourself.
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Then, write everything good you can think of about yourself. After your time is up, read what you have written. Then, fold it up, and put it in a convenient place, like in your pocket, purse, or next to your bed. Then, read it over before you go to bed, when you get up in the morning and every time you have a spare moment. If you can't think of enough things to write in this exercise, ask your friends for ideas before you begin.
Do something nice for someone else or for your community. Take fresh flowers to a friend, visit a person in the hospital or in a nursing home, or clean up the trash in a park.

If you don't believe in yourself because you are feeling so badly, have a trusted friend or health care provider remind you that they believe in you.

Decide what you want or what needs to change.

Think about your life. What is it that you need and want for yourself? Make a list of these things. For instance, you may want to: