Speaking Out for Yourself: A Self-Help Guide - If You Want Something, You Have to Ask For It

Written by Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A.

Ask for what you want.
Make an appointment to see the person or people who can help you get what you want. Don't just show up. Once you have made the appointment, be sure to keep it. If something comes up so you can't make it, call ahead and reschedule.

Dress neatly for the appointment. This gives the person the message that this is an important meeting. Be on time. Look the person in the eye and shake hands firmly in greeting. Call the person by name. How you say something often makes a greater impression than what you say. Use the person's formal name (Mr. Jones or Mrs. Corey) or ask them how they would like to be addressed.

When you are asking for what you want and need, be brief and concise. Say what you need to say as clearly and with as few words as possible. Give only the information that the other person needs. Don't confuse them with things they don't need to know. Don't go on and on about it-just say it. Stick to the point. Don't allow yourself to be diverted. State your concern and how you want things changed.

State your message clearly and simply. Tell the person exactly what you want from them. Explain why you need it. Tell them why it is in their best interest to respond to your request. Speak loudly enough to be heard, without shouting. Expect a positive response. Plan ahead of time what points you need to make. Practice with the help of friends, tape recorders, or mirrors if you feel unsure of yourself. Consider the following good examples of a person telling someone else what it is they need or want:

"I have learned that many people who have taken certain medications for long periods of time need a complete battery of thyroid tests. I would be happy to share this information with you. I also know that I have many symptoms which are common to people who have certain thyroid disorders. By reviewing my records, I have found that I have not had any thyroid tests. Therefore, I would like you to order a complete battery of thyroid tests for me."

"I live in one of your subsidized housing units. The locks on the front door and several of the windows are broken. I have asked the building manager to repair them three times in the last month. It has not been done. In addition, the high crime rate in the area is making it difficult for me to sleep. I need to be transferred to a housing unit in a safe area where the building, especially the locks, are kept in good repair."

Listen to the other person's response. If you don't understand, ask questions for clarification. If you feel you are not getting anywhere, tell the other person that you wish to pursue your issues further and ask to speak to the person's supervisor.

Sometimes the person you are speaking with will try to divert your attention by talking about something that is not directly related to your request, or will tell you that what you want is not possible. Politely bring their attention back to your request by restating what you want.

At the end of the meeting, restate any action that has been decided upon so you both understand each other clearly. For instance, you might say, "As a result of this meeting you are going to order a thyroid test for me." Or, "As a result of this meeting, I understand you are going to change my status to active."

Send a follow-up note, thanking them for meeting with you and summarizing any agreed- upon action. This will be a reminder and provide assurance that you both have the same understanding of the result of the meeting.

In some cases it may not be possible for you to ask for what you want "in person." Distance, lack of transportation, lack of resources, and illness or disability may make that difficult. You may have to make your request by phone, in a letter, or by e-mail.

Don't take "no" for an answer. Persist until you get what you want and need for yourself.

continue: Be Calm, But Persistent