Speaking Out for Yourself: A Self-Help Guide - Be Calm, But Persistent

Written by Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A.

Letters
If you are going to make your request by letter, make the letter short, simple, and clear. One page is best. Long letters may not be read. Make sure the letter is easy to read. If possible, use a typewriter or computer to write it.

In the first paragraph, tell them exactly what you want. Then add details or more information in the rest of the letter.

If appropriate, send copies of your letter to others you want to inform such as your legislator or advocacy agency. Put "cc" (which means copies circulated) at the bottom of the letter with a list of others to whom you are sending copies. You may also choose to send "blind" copies—copies that you don't inform others about. Keep a copy of the letter in your file for future reference. It's a good idea to follow up a letter with a phone call to make sure the person got the letter and to discuss the situation further.

Make sure you keep a record of all your contacts and calls.

Phone calls
You may need to make your request by phone. Letters and visits may be initiated with or followed by phone calls. Use phone calls to gather information, to keep track of what's going on, and to let people know what you want.

When calling

• Make a list of the points you want to make in your call and have it in front of you to refer to during the call.
• Identify yourself. Ask the name and position of the person you are talking to.
• Briefly describe the situation to the person who answered and ask if they are the right person to deal with such a request. If they are not the right person, ask to be transferred to a person who is more appropriate. If that person is not available, ask that they return your call. If you have not heard from them by the next day, call back. Don't be put off or give up because your call is not returned. Keep calling until you reach the person you need to speak to.
• Once you have reached the appropriate person, make your request for action brief and clear.
• If the person cannot respond to your request immediately, ask when they will get back to you or by what date you can expect action.
• Thank the person for being helpful when that's the case.
• In some cases when a person has been particularly helpful, it is a good idea to send a card of thanks. This opens the door for further contact on related issues.
• Keep a written record of your calls in your file. Include the date of your call, who you spoke to, issues addressed, and promised action.
• If you do not hear back from the person when expected, the promised action is not taken, or the situation is not resolved, call them back. Persist until you reach the person, the promised action is taken, or resolution is reached.

Assert yourself calmly.

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When you are speaking up for yourself you may get very frustrated and angry if the other person is very negative or difficult to deal with. Stay cool. Don't lose your temper and lash out at the other person, their character, or the organization. If you lose your temper, it may make it more difficult to get what you want and need for yourself. It will help if you treat the other person or people courteously.

Repeating these affirmations over and over may help:

In the process of advocating for myself, I will keep calm because this increases my effectiveness. In the process of advocating for myself, I am committed to speaking out and also respecting the rights of others and listening to what they have to say.

Be firm and persistent.
Don't give up! Keep at it until you get what you want, need, and deserve. It may take a very short time and little effort, but more often, it takes persistent effort over time. Repeat the following affirmation:

I will be firm and persistent. I will stick with it until I get what I need for myself.

Debrief
After your appointment, arrange to meet a friend so you can tell someone what happened. It will help reduce your stress and keep you feeling well.

Be sure to write down what the next steps are to resolve the issues that may still be outstanding after the appointment.

continue: It's Important to Know Your Rights