I am married with 3 kids.  I was sexually abused as a small child, and was adopted.  I dated my husband all through high school, and was very promiscuous.  I don't know how else to put it.  I always just chalked it up to me being curious, but I am starting to think otherwise.  I can't seem to stop thinking about sex, whether he is home or not.  I keep looking through personal ads online, even if I don't intend on meeting up with someone.  I just want the thrill of meeting someone for the first time, I don't know exactly what it is.  But, at home, I tell him that I want to feel wanted and not needed.  But, then, when he tries to show me how much he wants me, I yell at him for making it all about sex.  What is wrong with me???  I can see it, how much I hurt him and what I'm doing wrong, but yet I continue to do these things?  I don't know how to stop the urge to look, and I don't know how to take a step back and see what I'm doing to him.  I only see what he is doing to me.  Does anyone have any suggestions?