What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?

I am married with 3 kids.  I was sexually abused as a small child, and was adopted.  I dated my husband all through high school, and was very promiscuous.  I don't know how else to put it.  I always just chalked it up to me being curious, but I am starting to think otherwise.  I can't seem to stop thinking about sex, whether he is home or not.  I keep looking through personal ads online, even if I don't intend on meeting up with someone.  I just want the thrill of meeting someone for the first time, I don't know exactly what it is.  But, at home, I tell him that I want to feel wanted and not needed.  But, then, when he tries to show me how much he wants me, I yell at him for making it all about sex.  What is wrong with me???  I can see it, how much I hurt him and what I'm doing wrong, but yet I continue to do these things?  I don't know how to stop the urge to look, and I don't know how to take a step back and see what I'm doing to him.  I only see what he is doing to me.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

jspons1221
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Re: What is wrong with me?

As I wrote on your other post: therapy. The abuse you lived affected you and therapy is a way to deal with it.

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." -Albert Einstein
mariac
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Re: What is wrong with me?

is it because your not attracted to him anymore?

bib
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Re: What is wrong with me?

Therapy is the only solution and you need to visit some therapist as soon as possible because it is ruining your husband as well as your life too.

Ethancrowe
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Re: What is wrong with me?

jspons1221,
I saw that you asked the question about what kind of problem you have.  As a recovering sex addict for many years, I can tell you that what you have described sounds like it could be consistent with the powerlessness over sex and life unmanageability that is experienced by those with sex addiction.  You may want to check out the booh "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes that explains sexual addiction very clearly.  There are even self-assessment questions ot help you decide for yourself if you should seek furhter help.  There are 12 step support programs in this area and some therapists have experience in helping sex addicts.

Conscious Dolphin
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