Spouse of an unmedicated bipolar husband

Spouse of an unmedicated bipolar husband

I have been married to my husband for 4 years and we have 2  year old child. My husband hasn't been dianosed with Biopolar Disorder but I believe he is because of his mood swings and what I read about symptoms of biopolar disorder he matches everything on the list. He talks to me like I am stupid. He has a bad temper and has broken TV's printers, laptops, computer monitors, some of our child's toys, dishes, and etc. He punches holes in doors. I have anxiety attacks and they have gotten worse when he yells and has his tantrums. I feel so stressed out because I just can't deal with him and has gotten worse when our child was born. He has shoved me a few times. I had to call the police on him once because he threatened to kill himself with a gun and he had grabbed me by my arms. He was only kept in the mental hospital overnight and they did nothing for him. He just called my phone and threatened me that I was going to pay. He did apologize for the threats. He beats his german shepherd when she gets in trash. He says negative things toward our child and me often. He lies to me often and buys stuff for himself (video games) & hides them. When he was out of work, he wasn't careful with money (he never has been). He hates working (which he finally found a job after 2 months). He has gone through several jobs because he gets angry at someone & quits. He has no respect for women (which surprises because he was raised by a single mother), he calls them "bimbos" and "stupid bitch"  when a female newscaster says something that he feels is stupid or a female celebrity does something dunb. His mother told me that she had to call the cops on him once when he was living with her because they got in a fight when she told him to get a job and help with the bills and he put his hands on her. I wish I have known this before when married. He has no friends that he can talk to or hang out with. I has told me a few times when he is angry at me that he wishes he never married me, he was going to divorce me & move back to his home state, and he has thought about cheating on me. I wish sometimes he would just take his stuff and leave. I feel I have low self esteem and no self confidence any more. I have no idea what mood he will be in day to day and that is stressful to me. We share one car, so I can't take our child somewhere to get out of the house when he is at work. I hate when he yells at our child and me. He never takes responsibilty for anything he has done,if something goes wrong it is my fault or some elses. He is always late paying our bills (many of them are in my name, so he has ruined my credit). He wants me to be more affectionate toward him but I just don't want to be because the way he treats me and our child. I enjoy my time alone when he is gone at work. I am just don't know what to do anymore!!

horsegirl
New Member
ranks
useravatar
Offline
1 Posts
Administrator has disabled public posting

Re: Spouse of an unmedicated bipolar husband

Some people may not agree with me but I believe that it is not about him anymore and it is not about you anymore but it is about your child. You have to do what ever it takes to protect your child from your husband.

I am assuming that your husband is unwilling to get on medication and seek therapy and change him ways? Otherwise he would have done so by now. I would look to your family and see if someone can take you in while you file for divorce. Or find out about woman's shelters or anywhere that you can go where it is safe. Am unmedicated violent bipolar man with a gun is NO JOKE.

Please get your child and you safe.
Chanda

Chanda
Platinum Member
ranks
useravatar
Offline
2656 Posts
Administrator has disabled public posting

Re: Spouse of an unmedicated bipolar husband

Hi Horsegirl,

What a very sad and scary position you are in.  I would also support you to move out immediately.  Your husband has uncontrollable rage, and both you and your child are at serious risk.  You are in an abusive relationship, and you need to get out of it.  It would be very helpful for you to get some professional counselling to support you through your changes. 

If you don't move on it will only get worse.  Statistics support that.

You might find support at an Al Anon group, which is a group for affected others.  Most of the people deal with alcohol specifically, but I know from experience that anyone is welcome.  You learn about how to build healthy boundaries, and understand what is your responsibility, and what is your husband's.  I would also suggest letting your family doctor know what is happenning, if that is a possibility, because sometimes we get so sick with stress we need help for ourselves.  Any other supports you can put in place should be a priority. 

I wish you well.  This is a very difficult, unsafe situation, and you are the only one who can change things for yourself.  You need to be at your best so your child can be raised in a healthy environment.

Good luck, and please keep us posted about how you are handling things.

Trish

trish g
Member
ranks
useravatar
Offline
70 Posts
Administrator has disabled public posting

Re: Spouse of an unmedicated bipolar husband

I have been married to the same man for over 28 years and he too is bi-polar but has never been to a doctor.  It was never as severe as your case but I can tell you that it was pretty bad. At first I attributed to his coffee drinking of expresso thats when he would seem to lash out more frequently.  when I noticed after he no longer drank the coffee it would subside somewhat but the outbursts were still there. I got to the point that I felt like I was living in hell and asked him time and time again to please take zoloft and just to see if it would help. Family dr. prescribed it and guess what, it totally took the edge off. With out going on and on about my situation I can tell you that when he stops the meds I can tell immediately. His whole attitude changes and here we go again. this last time I was walking out the door. Do yourself a big favor and find a safe house to go to. Don't put yourself through this it will not change unless he gets help. By the way I have a 23 year old daughter whom was diagnosed as bi-polar and she see's her dr every couple months and is doing extremely well.  I am a strong person and my husband is a quiet person until he chooses not to  take his meds. You need to deal with this sooner then later.Just remember that love alone can't fix this sickness.

hkitty21
New Member
ranks
useravatar
Offline
2 Posts
Administrator has disabled public posting

Re: Spouse of an unmedicated bipolar husband

Good Morning Horsegirl,

I am wondering how you hve been doing, and what your thoughts and actions have been since you posted on May 4th.

I hope things aren't too tense right now,.

Are you working towards making concrete changes for yourself?  What are your tentative plans?

Please let us know how you are doing.

I am wondering if your husband reads your email?  Do you need to be thinking about deleting your mail, or hiding your messages in a folder named 'folk remedies for vaginitis'?  I have a friend whose manic partner knew everything she did online, and it caused a lot of trouble.

Sending love.

Trish
xo

trish g
Member
ranks
useravatar
Offline
70 Posts
Administrator has disabled public posting

Board Info

Board Stats:
 
Total Topics:
3097
Total Polls:
12
Total Posts:
13615
Total Posts Today:
3
User Info:
 
Total Users:
58659
Newest User:
alisondavisjr65
Members Online:
2
Guests Online:
6169

Most Active Users: 
Chanda, mariac, SaraMarie, tirihashi, suzanna, Papillon, curridabat48, jcstoffer
Online: 
alisondavisjr65, Moodyblues

Forum Legend:

 Topic
 New
 Locked
 Sticky
 Active
 New/Active
 New/Locked
 New Sticky
 Locked/Active
 Active/Sticky
 Sticky/Locked
 Sticky/Active/Locked