Hang in there.  Thinks will shift a bit soon, and you will feel a little relief so you can catch your breath!

Hi Nikki

I'm hoping you are having a tolerable day, and finding that you are having some periods of time when things are tolerable.  If whatever you are doing during those times are somewhat healthy, keep doing those things.

I try to soothe myself with sensory experiences when I am off the rails.  Things like apple juice full of cinnamon and cloves simmering slowly on the stove all day, homemade soups that cook all day.  The wonderful smells comfort me so much.  It seems wierd, but it is the case.  If I could handle it I would bake bread, but I don't have the patience.  When I used to, I felt such a sense of accomplishment and self care and nurting.

How about music that changes your mood?  High energy music to get your blood (and body) moving, or soft calm nature sounds, or whatever slows you down.  I like the idea of listening to music when I go for walks, but my daughter always takes over any listening gizmo I have ever had, and they are lost or broken, or God knows what.  So being outside strolling, being bathed in music, is just a fantasy.  I am powerless over having my own personal listening device.  Sigh.

I eat way too much to self soothe, and most of the time it is junk, but I am told by a friend, who has self dicipline, that she chews things like gum, or raw carrots, to express aggression.   I like to eat lots of creamy things like ice cream, and high fat yougurt, and chocolate.  I am working on that.  Or I eat too many carbs and sugar, (think massive cinnamon buns), and then crash and sleep for a couple hours.  At least it isn't booze.  I have problems with that, but I am doing very well on that front right now.

So that covers smelling, listening, tasting.  For seeing, maybe art books from the library, or photographs, or a beautiful movie.  Maybe reading, but I can't concentrate well enough to read with the meds I'm on, so I listen to the radio a lot.  And body stuff, like hot baths, or swimming, or a hot tub, or rolling around naked in the grass. /lol/.  Maybe lotions or flannelette sheets if you live in the north, (I sure could have used some last night.  It was freezing where I live). Cool ice packs, hot water bottles, rub your feet yourself.  Give yourself a head/hair massage with olive oil, and wash it out.  That conditions your hair beautifully, and feels really good. 

The trick for me is to do things for myself that I can do by myself, so I don't need anyone to do them for me, and I feel some control, and I feel good about that.

I guess by now you have figured out that I am an indulgent hedonist.  That is one of my better points!

Try some of these things if you can manage to, and give yourself much credit for being loving with yourself.  I hope you can have at least a partly pleasant weekend!

Trish
xo