I am definately one to keep things in. But there are some wonderful people on her... hopefully you can find the support you're looking for.
Right now I myself am in a deep depression, having mixed episodes, rapid cycling and my anxiety is through the roof... It's hell, but I'm sure at some point I'll have some stability. I just wish I knew when... do you often think the same way or am I just completely nuts?
Praying and sending good thoughts your way.

You're right, it's hard to forget what the bad times are like. At the same time, when I'm doing well, I do everything I can to push that aside and enjoy every minute of it... we never know how long it's going to last.

There are no words to describe how phenominal this site is. It's packed with great info and the members are absolutely incredible. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Hang in there, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

I've ran support groups in the past and I guess it's just in my blood to be there for others.

  Have to remember not to double click on this computer.

I am house and dog sitting for a friend for three weeks.  The house is fabulous.  Lots and lots of windows facing south, to the sun, and bringing some warmth inside in the afternoons.  Two big 100 pound gentle dogs, that get me  out walking, and give me so much unconditional attention.  Out in a rural area, fields all around me, banks of snow are white and clean and crunch and crackle, and everything felt good at the park this afternoon.

I am so grateful to have this opportunity.  I think I would really enjoy living in a rural environment.  Quiet, less stress, slower pace, more room.  I want to remember how soothing this feels, for when I need to be soothed.  I want to remember to get out in nature at the parks and along the river.  It is good for my soul. 

IT IS JUST SO HARD TO DO.  I still don't get why.

Good Mornng!

I think your life should be the basis for a crazy situation comedy or a movie!!  A screenwriter couldn't come up with something like your last week has been.

I am sorry about your grandma.  Grief is hard enough for anyone to handle. Nevermind someone with all the added stresses you have right now.  It is real, final, and is hard to see it in any kind of positive perspective.  There is nothing positive about losing someone you love.  I would be interested  to read about what you liked about her, and what you will miss.  What was her life story?

After you have made it through the day, try to do something soothing for yourself.  Even a slow walk, a cup of tea, some calm music, and a soak in the tub.  I can often let go of quiet tears, not the raging, headachy, throat burning type, but the gentle let-going kind of tears in the warmth and privacy of a bath.  It feels like the comfort of a safe warm womb to me.

I feel for the physical pain you are in.  I have bashed up my hand unintentionally a couple of times, and it made it hard to do things, and hurt like hell.  But the time I broke my toe kicking a door in a tantrum really made me mad.  At myself, because I did it to myself, and could only rage at myself.  And that just made me feel worse.

You said you are in school.  You might want to consider letting someone there know some of what has been happening in your life recently, so you won't be marked down for late assignments, missed tests etc.  No one needs to know about the charges against you, or that piece of your life, but from past experience, a note from your doctor can buy you a grace period.  It just needs to refer to the physical trauma you are dealing with, combined with the loss of your Grandma.  People will understand, and not be in your face.  There might be someone at school you could talk to about some of this too.

I love the humour you convey while you are writing this.  I'll bet that is what keeps you going, and a way to let off steam, without causing more bodily harm.

Keep checking in!  I am interested in hearing how the rest of your week goes.

Maybe Grandma will be one of your guardian angels.  I like that thought.

Trish
xo