Im new and per my therapist I went to Al-anon since I've been there I've had a nagging feeling that I should go back to AA.  it's been four or five years since my last meeting.  I stoped going becasuse everyone just seemed so stuck on hopelessness and even though they had been sober and just seemed like lost souls. I was starting to feel like I was taking crazy pills and it was also very sad.  I knew there was hope for life, happiness, and joy so I left and went back to church to grow a closer relationship with my heavenly father.  I got half way there and now after going to therapy for almost two years now for the abuse part of my life, I find myself having to reface the alcoholism in my life.   My struggle right now is having to admit again that " I AM POWERLESS against my ALCOHOLISM!!!!"   When I'm not around it I'm ok as far as the craving goes but when I get near it say at clubs I get anxiouse and it's hard to ignore the inticingness of it.  I was sober for a year and a half until this pass new years when I went to SF for dinner and dance.  I was tired on the way up and hungrey.  when I got to dinner I had 6 cups of coffee, Im not a coffee drinker,  then when I got to the club I couldn't stay still so I asked a friend to let me have a sip of his drink when he got it.  He instead gave me a drink.  It made me mad because he knew I had a problem with drinking, why then would he give me a whole cup????  I couldn't express my anger at the moment and I so I just drank the whold cup part of it was because the coffee and i wasn't feeling buzzed yet.  when I did I felt a little out of control and didn't like the way I felt so I asked him to get me water.  He came back with it but left again.  when he came back the second time he gave me another drink.  I told him I didn't ask he for that and he said well I already got it for you so you have to drink it.  I felt myself reverting back to old abused habbits and didn't say no because I didn't feel like I had the power to say no. I just coward and took it.  I also felt fear for my safety because in the past guys would get me drunk and take advantage of me.  that fear paralized me for a moment then later afer we walked around I thought I didn't have to drink this and tried to leave my drink some where then he gave me another one I tried to leave that one too.  I was just hoping he wouldn't catch me or get made at me for not finishing it.  That's the abuse part of me.  I do know that I am powerless against the inticingness of alcohol and that I can not just have one drink I could try it again to see if that is true but because of my religion Im  also choosing not to drink.  I do know from my past experience with acohol I can not just have one drink and I know I can't control it. I do know I can't control and feel powerless against the intcingness of alcohol.  I read in a AA pamphlet that you can enjoy sobriety and a light went off,  You mean you can enjoy being sobber???  I realized that year and a half I was not enjoying my sobriety!!!  So my goal is to admitt my powerlessness against my alcoholism and to learn to enjoy my sobriety and to feel free and peace to live my life.  Right now I'm not doing that!!!  My struggle is realizing the importance of getting my behind to a AA meeting and the importance it is for my life. I need help to realize how important it is to my life.