The Truth About Life After Eating Disorders Online Conference Transcript - Causes of Eating Disorders

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Natalie: Just so we're all on the same page, how are you defining "recovery" from an eating disorder?

Aimee Liu: I call my book GAINING because I really do think that the ability - eagerness, even - to "gain" in all areas of life is a good definition of eating disorder recovery. Note that I say gaining in "life" because I think that eating disorders are seated in core anxieties over what it means to be alive. Someone who is fully recovered embraces genuine (as opposed to superficial) gains in confidence, trust, intimacy, personal power, perspective, insight, faith, joy, nourishment, health, peace, love, and pleasures of the body and mind. Crucially, she makes choices in life out of desire, passion, compassion, and love instead of fear. She does not confuse perfection with suffering, nor does she feel she must measure up to some external standard of perfection.

Natalie: Since the mind can play tricks on you, how does one know if they've truly recovered?

Aimee Liu: There are so many signs!

• Can you sit quietly with yourself and be at peace?
• Can you face a significant problem or decision or experience stress without obsessing about your body or what you've just eaten or are planning to eat?
• Do you exercise because you honestly enjoy the activity - and not because you'll feel "guilty" if you don't?
• Can you look at your body with appreciation for all that it does, and not berate yourself for how it looks?
• Can you be open and intimate with those you love, without worrying about how they'll judge you?
• Can you enter an argument without feeling that you either have to dominate or disappear?
• Are you able to joke about your human failings and your flaws without secretly feeling ashamed of them?

The list can go on-and-on. The bottom line is that a person who is fully recovered feels comfortable enough in her body and compassionate enough toward herself that she can extend - offer -- that feeling of comfort to others.

Natalie: Let's start with the audience questions now.

chelseam1989: Aimee, I'm currently struggling with a severe Eating Disorder and have been for two-and-a-half years. I've been in therapy for eating disorders 2 years and I seem to be going nowhere. I feel hopeless. Do you have any suggestions? I'm only 17.

Aimee Liu: This is a huge question, and there is no "right" answer. But to start, I'd want to know if you have connected with the therapist, if there's trust -- and insight there. I believe that the ability to connect with another person -- to accept their wisdom -- and to grow with it is key. This is scientific. Because in most cases, something has gone wrong in the neural wiring that affects the capacity to love -- and that's underneath the eating disorder. Most of the people I know who have recovered, have managed to heal this connection with the help of a great therapist or lover or serious friend.

Beyond this, I use some simple questions...every day, throughout the day... we need to train ourselves to step back and ask why we make the choices we do. Are we acting out of fear... or curiosity? Shame... or love? Anger... or compassion?

I'm talking the simplest choices... making a phone call, taking a walk, signing up for a class. To get healthy, we have to retrain ourselves to make choices because we really want to, not because we're afraid NOT to. This is at the foundation of the new therapies I mentioned earlier... and it might help you to look into these -- DBT, mindful awareness, etc. I'm sorry I can't help more without knowing more about your specific situation. As I said, everyone is so different.

Natalie: One audience member asked this question Aimee: Many of us are told that recovery is an "ongoing process" that never ends. Yet, you speak about having fully recovered as "being cured." Do you see it that way?

Aimee Liu: What never ends are the temperament traits that make us vulnerable to eating disorders. Scientists liken an eating disorder to a gun.

1. Genetics, which account for around 60% of one's vulnerability, manufacture the gun;
2. Environment, which includes family dynamics, fashion magazines, social and cultural attitudes, loads the gun; and
3. The personal experience of unbearable distress pulls the trigger.

Genetics combine with family dynamics to create the personality types that are most at risk. We have these personalities as long as we live, but once we learn to re-direct our core traits -- perfectionism, hyper-sensitivity, persistence -- to goals and values that have genuine meaning TO US... then we become protected against the eating disorder.

Many of us start to relapse instinctively under intense stress, but if we know this tendency is there -- and that it's a natural attempt to cope -- we can redirect the instinct . It helps to develop an arsenal of positive, constructive coping mechanisms -- true friends, passions, interests, music, etc -- that can help us through the bad times. These are "life skills" that will help anyone; we just need to work harder to learn them!