online conference transcript

Judith Asner, MSW, discusses the guilt and shame associated with having bulimia or any of the other eating disorders. Ms. Asner has been working with bulimics for over 20 years and says "many feel guilty about having bulimia; bingeing and purging."

We also talked about tools used in recovering from bulimia: food journals used to track hunger and fullness, meal planning, eating disorders support groups, and an eating disorders treatment specialist.

David Roberts is the HealthyPlace.com moderator.

The people in blue are audience members.

David: Good Afternoon, or evening, if you are overseas. I'm David Roberts. I'm the moderator for today's conference. I want to welcome everyone to HealthyPlace.com.

Our topic is "Surviving Bulimia." Our guest is Judith Asner, MSW. Ms. Asner is a licensed therapist in Washington, D.C. and specializes in working with bulimics as well as other eating disorder sufferers and their families. She also runs the "Beat Bulimia" site inside the HealthyPlace.com Eating Disorders Community. You can read more about Ms. Asner here.

Good afternoon, Judith, and welcome back to HealthyPlace.com. We appreciate you being our guest this afternoon. We, literally, receive dozens of emails every week from people talking about the shame, the guilt, and the deception involved in having an eating disorder like bulimia. So I'd like to address that first. How does someone cope with that?

Judith Asner: I think the first step is understanding that the eating disorders and the addictive disorders are based on shame, but the person who created this shame in the young person is usually the one who should be feeling the shame--the perpetrator, not the victim. Many eating disorders (ED) are often linked to abuse (sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse), in which a child is innocent and suffers early insult or irrational guilt, where there is really nothing to feel guilty about. This is just an illness like any other and one does not have to be ashamed of having these symptoms.

David: Unfortunately though, a lot of people do feel guilty about having bulimia and are ashamed to tell anyone about it. How would you suggest they handle that?

Judith Asner: You start by picking an empathic helping person, who has also been through personal struggles, one who understands what it's like to struggle against life difficulties--a teacher, a nurse a sympathetic parent or a loving sibling. It's helpful to find someone who will wrap their arms around you and offer you comfort; someone who has some psychological sophistication as well.

David: Judith, we get many people who write us saying that rather than telling anyone about their eating disorder, they want to handle recovery on their own. What do you think about that concept of handling recovery from bulimia on your own?

Judith Asner: It's a stretch to tell someone and it's a risk. However, if you don't tell someone, you'll suffer deeply by yourself and I don't believe we are meant to suffer alone. I believe we are here to help each other. I think it's really tough because the mere act of unburdening your secret and heart to another human being is so freeing, and hearing acceptance from another human being without recrimination is so validating. If you try to do this on your own, you miss the opportunity to see that people are good and willing to help you. All studies show that friendship enhances health and the immune system and isolation increases mental and physical illness. We are interactive beings. As a psychotherapist, I believe that cure is easier when we help each other. The illness is already isolating, but if you are absolutely intent on doing this by yourself, then nothing can sway you. Try It. Every person has his or her right to do it their way.

There are wonderful self-help books out there. For example: Overcoming Overeating, When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, Feeling Good, The Path, and Taming the Gremlin.

If you want to overcome an eating disorder, keep a journal and let your journal become your mirror and your friend. Stay in touch with your feelings, plan your menus, write down your feelings after you eat instead of purging. In other words, use your journal as your key to your own psyche.

David: That's helpful, Judith. Here are a few audience comments on sharing the news of your eating disorder with someone else and the idea of recovering from bulimia on your own:

recoverednow: I never could have done it on my own. My eating disorder had me. The only way I could break free is through inpatient treatment.

gillian1: I have told my mum about my bulimia, but she handled it badly so I covered up what I said with lying. The problem is that I told my doctor before I told my mum. So I am seeing a psychiatrist. Mum is determined to stop me from seeing her.

nymphet: I always regret the day I told my boyfriend about my eating disorder. I also find it discouraging, the way my parents treat me since they found out about my eating disorder.

thingal: I still don't want to admit that I have a problem. I am disgusted with what I do.

florecita: When people know, they try to guard you all the time even though I'm not doing it.

recoverednow: Journaling is excellent advice!!!

Judith Asner: A food journal and meal planning are 2 of the most important tools in overcoming an eating disorder. Changing your negative self talk, self-concept is also important. You can do this with the guidance of Dr. David Burns' book, Feeling Good.