Life with an Eating Disorder - Eating Disorder Recovery

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Alexandra: I want to make a quick note here. Drug abuse is very similar to purging and starving in that it helps to mask the pain you are feeling, but only for a certain amount of time. Then, you don't feel so great anymore and you end up doing the behaviors more-and-more to keep feeling just okay with yourself. Even though many in society still don't think it is, an eating disorder is an addiction and anyone can become addicted to the disordered eating behaviors, no matter how little they purge or abuse diet pills.

David: What about feelings of just giving up, saying "I'm already suffering so much. What's the point in trying to recover?" Have you experienced those and how did you deal with that?

Alexandra: I definitely have, and many times! When I would go through relapses, I, so many times, just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and say, "Argh, this is too hard and frustrating! Why even bother?!" It's very common to just want to give up when you are battling such a hard addiction. Depression is also common in almost every single person that suffers, so you also have that to contend with. I think you have to look at life as it is now, and then look at life as it will be in the future if you were to not change anything that you were doing. I'm sure that the outlook wouldn't be the greatest in the world, and that's what I saw with myself. I looked ahead towards the future, and I couldn't even imagine what life would be like if I did not stop what I was doing. I figured I'd be in a hospital for the rest of my life, or dead. I dealt with it mainly by learning to forgive myself. I had to learn that mistakes will happen and that it does me no good to become angry or frustrated with myself.

I, as well, had to learn the great virtue of patience and not expect recovery to come within a couple of weeks or months. I also learned to talk. It's strange to hear that, but when you are in recovery, it is like you're learning to talk all over again. You learn how to talk to others and talk about your feelings, which is something that so many of us find we are unable to do. So, from all of these things, I have always just kept at it with recovery. I've seen good results from breaking free from these demons, and I've also heard many stories of experience from those who have fully recovered, and this is not something that I want to give up on, even during my darker moments.

David: Here are some more audience comments:

jesse1: I know what was triggering me, a lot of family secrets coming out, but I don't want to hurt them by bringing them up.

redrover: We are playing with our destiny. But, this is kind of like what you see on TV extreme sports. They take great risks. For what? A sense of accomplishment, right? Sometimes, we feel we have to follow through.

Alexandra: Jesse - I know how you feel because I have always felt a fear of hurting my parents. You have to understand, though, that they will be even more hurt if you don't tell them and your problem gets worse, until one day you end up hospitalized. Maybe you don't have to tell them everything right away, but you can start by saying something like, "Mom/Dad, I haven't been feeling too great lately and I was wondering if I could talk to a therapist."

David: Here's a question, Alexandra:

Monica Mier y teran: I have a compulsive overeating disorder which I have had for years now. I am 38, and I know it is all emotional, but I can't seem to stop eating every time no one is looking. I've tried to be a bulimic even, and it didn't work. I just don't like throwing up. What I'm doing now is eating once a day, but every time I see food, I just want to dive into it. It is really frustrating and seems like no one understands. Everyone just says to me, just keep your mouth closed, as simple as that.

Although I've lost weight, I look at the mirror and I really hate myself. I don't like myself at all. How do you finally stop this addiction that makes you suffer? I just want to live a normal life and to be able to see food and not want to dive into it.

Alexandra: Are you receiving therapy, Monica? Just like with purging and starving, those that suffer from compulsive overeating overeat to cover up and try to deal with what they are feeling. Part of recovery is learning to talk and actually deal and learn from what you are feeling instead of trying to run away from it. Take it from me, adding one disorder onto another (like starting with overeating and then becoming bulimic) does not help anything. It may make you feel better for a short period of time, but then you have two battles to fight and things are twice as hard. You also want to stay away from fasting. That never works because you always end up going back to eating and then beating yourself up. Instead, you have to learn to eat "normally," and not fly from one extreme to another. I strongly recommend that you talk about how you are feeling to someone hon! Try overeaters anonymous support groups and, definitely, individual therapy. You deserve to get better and to live sweetie. Please believe that.

Monica Mier y teran: No, I'm not in therapy. I should be though. I know it's emotional. Thanks.

David: Monica, in the HealthyPlace Eating Disorders Community, there's a new site called "Triumphant Journey: A Guide to Stop Overeating" that is focusing on compulsive overeating. I hope you'll stop by there and visit that site. We are receiving a lot of positive comments about it and I think you'll find it helpful.

Alexandra: Monica - Please take that step and go into therapy. You can't go on living in pain like this forever. I hope that you do take a step to get help. I know that you CAN recover, no matter what.

David: How is it that you can be so open about your eating disorder, when so many want to keep it a secret?

Alexandra: I wasn't like this always:) I was very secretive and didn't want to open up, even to those that I knew suffered from the same thing. I think that it's a part of the healing process. You learn to open up or else you never get out how you are feeling, and then you never get any help as a result. Most of my friends that are in public school still do not know about my eating disorder, but I still have a support system that I can talk to, regardless. I think another big part about learning to open up also goes along with recovering -- you learn to throw society to the side and say, "Ok, I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about what I'm suffering from, or about my body."

David: I know it's getting late. Thank you Alexandra for coming by tonight and sharing your story and experiences with us. Judging from the audience comments I've received, it's been helpful to many. I also want to thank everyone in the audience for coming and participating tonight.

Alexandra: Thank you for having me as a guest! I hope that all of you in the room are able to one day be at peace with yourself if you aren't already. Hang in there guys, I'm with you in this battle for recovery!

David: Good night everyone.

Disclaimer: We are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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