Life with an Eating Disorder - Dealing with an Eating Disorder

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

David: Was there something that happened in your life or thinking that triggered a change in your attitude - making you want to recover? (eating disorders recovery)

Alexandra: Honestly, I think I just became sick of being sick. My throat hurt constantly and I was breaking down crying everyday in my room from what was going on in my head. I always knew deep down that I could not continue on like this. Before I started to recover, I was cutting myself and contemplating suicide, and I knew that I had to do SOMETHING, anything, to help this situation. I had been told always almost the same thing by other people who I had met, that also had suffered or had recovered -- "do whatever you can to try and get better. You are missing out on so much." In the end, it came down to whether I thought I deserved to live and whether I deserved to get better. Although I was unsure of either of those things at the time, I decided to give this recovery gig a shot.

redrover: I think this is one the most embarrassing problems to admit to. You'll be looked at completely different from here on out. I heard you never really recover, that you can always relapse. I don't think I could have my parents look at me each time with fear and concern.

Alexandra: Sweetie, I know that there is a lot of stigma attached to mental health issues from society, but there will always be people that don't understand or are not willing to understand. You have to take your own health as first priority and realize that people will always react as they want to. Personally, I really do believe that you can fully recover. One of my good friends is in her early forties and recently fully recovered from a lifelong addiction to bulimia and alcohol. It took her a long, long time, but she has not relapsed in over a year and has no relapse-related thoughts.

I know it's hard to have people worry about you, because you feel that you do not deserve their attention, but the best thing you can do is try to have your parents understand what is going on in your head. One of the books that I always strongly recommend sufferers and family and friends to read is The Secret Language of Eating Disorders by Peggy Claude-Pierre. That book does a wonderful job of bridging the gap of understanding between sufferers and those that are on the "outside." Recovery is always hard in the beginning, but it DOES get easier eventually. You have to keep thinking about what life will be like if you never get help, though. It's definitely not a life that anyone should have to lead.

sandgirl01: Since it was not your parents, whom did you find the most support from? Was there anyone such as a school counselor that you went to?

Alexandra: I received most of my support from my best friend, Karen, who when I first met her was living with an alcoholic father and step-mother. She experienced almost the same things that I went through, and I found that she was the person that I could most relate to. She's still the first person that I call when I feel that I am relapsing and I have always received unconditional love from her.

David: Here are a couple of audience comments:

emaleigh: I want to recommend a book to the audience if that is possible. It's called Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Family and Friends by Siegel, Brisman, and Weinshel. I recommend it for everyone who has a friend or parent that just does not understand what they are going through or what eating disorders are really about! The book's only about ten dollars. It's an awesome book to be read by anybody that has a loved one going through an eating disorder problem. It was recommended to my mother by my therapist.

Alexandra: Thank you, emaleigh - I will look into that book myself! :)

Nerak: Alexandra, I do not think I have met a 15 year old with your insight. If you have not chosen a career for you future think about counseling. You have a compassion to help that will take you far in life. Keep up the great work in helping yourself and others.

Alexandra: nerak - Wow, thank you so much for your comments. I have looked into a life-long career as a therapist, but I'm still knocking around the idea of becoming a dentist instead. Who knows! :)

desides: Well, congrats to you too for recognizing that you are not the one to blame for everything under the sun. Continue your positive attitude and it'll get you where you want to go.

Alexandra: desides - Thank you for your support. I hope that you, too, will recover. I know that you can do it.

jesse1: I have suffered from anorexia/bulimia, on and off, now for six years. At one time, I was so close to being recovered. I was happy and actually started to like myself, but then I slipped back into the mirror. I was wondering what I can do to get back out? How do I say I deserve it?

Alexandra: Jesse - Look back towards the beginning of your relapse -- what was going on in your life during that time? Was there a lot of stress involved with your parents, friends, school, etc? If you can find out what triggered the relapse, you can start working towards fighting the battle. Along with finding your true self, you also have to learn to deal with any stress or problems in your life through other things that don't involve self-destruction. Instead of purging and starving to regain control and to feel better, you have to develop better coping mechanisms for life. That's a part of breaking free from an eating disorder and a relapse. Jesse, please talk to someone about what you are going through with your recent relapse. You do deserve to recover and so does anyone in here that is still suffering. Everyone deserves to LIVE, no matter what.

David: Were you ever involved with diet pills, laxatives, alcohol or illegal substances?

Alexandra: Yes, I was. I did use diet pills, laxatives, and diuretics during the worst times of my battle with an eating disorder. It was incredibly hard to stop all of those things, and when I did finally stop, I went towards alcohol to feel better. Last year, I started using speed as well, but I realized soon after that, even though I had stopped the diet pills and other abuses, I was not getting any better because I had just reached for something else to cure the pain. It took a lot of willpower to stop the alcohol and drug abuse, but I did thankfully. I think a big part of stopping all the abuses was always knowing inside that I was not helping any kind of pain that I was feeling. I was merely masking it for a short time. When the chemicals would wear off, I'd go back to feeling crappy again, plus I'd be going through withdrawals. I had to finally say, "No!" to any kind of chemical and I've been clean since.