Eating Disorders Recovery Conference - Recovering from Anorexia and Bulimia

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Debbie: Now that I've been through a lot and I've been able to sort of look back, like I said earlier, I think it's difficult for our friends and family. They think "go to the doctor, get better". It's that simple. It isn't. That's why eating disorders support groups are so important. You are around people who do understand and can encourage you. And Linda's right, it can put a lot of tension in a relationship. I had several end "before their time", so to speak. All you can say is "look I need your help and support". And at the treatment center, when they get family therapy going, the therapist tells the parents that this will be very stressful on them and there's no shame if they need support. And usually they do, depending on how difficult things are.

sizeone: I think it goes without saying that family members are just scared and do not know what to do with someone they think is great and in reality, that person hates themselves.

caricojr: A very good book that saved my boyfriend's and mine relationship was "Surviving an Eating Disorder : New Perspectives and Strategies for Family and Friends".

Linda: I'd like to say something about family. I think there are some cases (like mine) where families were not involved in the recovery process. I know some people have huge issues with family. For me, my doctor parents, it was not an option. They knew, but never talked about it. It was scandalous. And that is scary, and it is a shame. I know some people are afraid of disclosing to their families, for whatever reason. And that's ok. You don't have to. If you are in a treatment center, then obviously they know. To this day, I have not talked about it with my parents. I have made peace with that and let go of the fact that they could never understand.

blubberpot: I feel the same way about my parents. They think my eating disorder is a thing in the past, but what they don't know, is that I have lost another 11 pounds.

Rod: Is it wise to attempt to have a relationship while in treatment for an eating disorder, or should we wait until we are better?

Linda: For me, I was in a relationship already, for about two years. It added a new dimension to our relationship. I think that you should do what you feels right. I think that if you want to start a relationship, that you should be honest with that person. Debbie, what do you think?

Debbie: That's a trick question. I found out it was easier for me to deal with my problems when I didn't have a significant person, i.e. boyfriend, in my life. It just got to be too difficult, trying to handle a relationship and it's normal demands and expectations, and deal with my eating disorder. But I'm sure for others, it can be a very supportive and helpful thing. I agree with Linda though, I think you have to be honest with the person and do it up front. Don't wait until you are 3 months into the relationship and say "SURPRISE!!", by the way, did I tell you....because I promise, most won't be happily surprised. That's from experience, by the way.

Monmas: My husband seems to leave the healing to me and my therapist. He never gets involved with my eating. This makes me angry at him sometimes. It makes me think he doesn't care. How can I get him to be supportive, yet not tell me how to eat?

Linda: Tell him what you need. We need to do that in all areas of our relationships. We NEED support, we need space, we need a hug. Sometimes we need to ask for it. Maybe he is scared and confused about it too?

Monmas: Yes, I think he is. I try to tell him how I feel, but he doesn't understand the whole picture, so he doesn't want to say the wrong thing. He loves me very much though.

Bob M: It may be he doesn't know what to do. If he hasn't participated in group therapy or some sessions with you, he may not understand his role in your recovery.

Debbie: It's hard to tell monmas. I would talk with him and tell him what you need. And then see what happens. Make it non-threatening though. Don't say "you never help me." Try, I need your help, could you please do this for me." I hope that helps some.

gutterpunkchic: I am going to be going to my first therapy session on Friday. I am just starting to realize I need help, but I am afraid it will take me a long time to recover. What do I do if therapy doesn't work for me?

Linda: gpc, there are many different kinds of therapy out there, and many, many different therapists. It is important not to give up, even if it feels exhausting. Remember that you are a consumer of the health care system, and you are entitled to get the help you need and want. If you don't like your therapist, find another. Also, as we've said, support groups are very helpful, and are very different than therapy. Debbie?

Debbie: I think it's important to remember gutterpunkchic that it may take awhile. Maybe you will "grow" as time goes along and you will be more receptive to therapy or able to deal with things in a better way. But give it time. It won't happen "just like that". And like Linda said, what works for one, may not for another. So you may have to find another therapist or method of treatment. But give it time.

Bob M: We had over 100 people come tonight. I appreciate everyone being here and to Linda and Debbie thank you for sharing your stories and staying late to answer questions.

Linda: Thanks Bob.

Bob M: I hope that everyone got something positive from tonight's conference and that you feel like there are many ways to recovery. And that you need to find what works for you. It also helps when you have others who care around you.

Debbie: Thank you Bob for inviting me tonight. For everyone out there, I was at death's door. I'm not a rocket scientist and I don't think I was the beneficiary of a miracle. It was a lot of hard work and I cried a lot and thought many times about giving up. I hope you have the strength and energy to do it. It's worth it in the end. That I can tell you.

Linda: Yes. Thanks Bob. And Thanks Debbie. Recovery is hard. And it is worth it.

Bob M: Some audience thank you's:

Monmas: Something I have learned--don't be afraid about how long it will take to recover. Take it one day at a time. There is no schedule to follow on recovery. It will be at your own pace. Thank you Linda and Debbie.

Rod: Thank you for your openness and willingness to use that to be so helpful with your comments. Sometimes the end can be the beginning.

Siteline: Thanks for the insights.

Versus: THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Bob M: Good Night everyone.

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