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David: You are right Judith--about being a virtual community. And I don't mean to be self-serving here, but that's what HealthyPlace.com is all about; people helping people. It is not a site built around experts, although we do have experts here and they are important, but it's also important to get support and knowledge from others who are going through similar experiences.
So, I do invite everyone to participate, come to the eating disorders chat rooms, join the support groups, visit the sites and participate.
Judith: This is why HealthyPlace is so important for issues like bulimia. The shame component can be overcome via the chat and then one can finally go out and get help. OUT OF THE CLOSET AND INTO THE VIRTUAL WORLD. HealthyPlace is doing a wonderful thing for us. Thank you, David.
David: How would you suggest sharing the news of your bulimia with someone close to you, so you can start on the road to recovery?
Judith: Just say: I want to enlist your support because I know how much you care for me and that you will be there for me no matter what. What I am about to say is difficult, so please hear me without judgment as I would you. Then say: this is what I most need from you to help me on my journey to recovery. And then enumerate the ways in which they can help; be positive, specific and ask for exactly what you need. It is a gift to honor someone with such an important job and they will be happy to be able to do a good deed. "The Interpersonal Bridge" is the most important bridge we can ever walk across.
David: Just a reminder, if you haven't registered for the community mail list on the , please do so. That way you can keep up with events going on in the community.
Here's the flip side of that question Judith, from a parent:
sarahsmom: What is the most important thing I can do to help a 7 year bulimic, age 21, daughter...other than love and support her. HELP!
Judith: Just be there in an accepting way; no shame or blame; help her get the treatment she needs; ask her what she wants you to do. And don't forget to tell her how unconditionally you love her, bulimia or no bulimia. And tell her you have faith in her, that she will find the path and the belief in herself to do what she needs to do. And remember parents, bulimia is complicated and no one is to blame.
Marion: How often, in your practice, do you find a direct correlation between bulimia and drug and/or alcohol addiction?
Judith: Bulimia has many causes and no one is to blame. Alcoholism is the disease most closely associated with the eating disorders. The behaviors are ways of not dealing with life's emotions and ups and downs. I recommend staying away from alcohol. It disinhibits a person and often leads to a food binge. Also, first degree relatives of bulimics have a higher percentage of alcoholism than the general population. They are all subsumed under "addictive disorders". Remember, these are bio-psycho-social illnesses. All 3 spheres play a part in their development. Biological vulnerabilities, social environment and psychological makeup.
David: For those who didn't know this, Judith does coaching and teleclasses, helping sufferers and significant others deal with eating disorders. You can find out more about that on her site: beatbulimia.com
Now, I want to follow up on sarahsmom's question, Judith.
It must be difficult for a parent or significant other to also deal with what is going on with the sufferer. What do you do to cope when your child or spouse comes to you and says "enough! I'm not getting anymore treatment. I'll never get better." and then follows through on that attitude? How do you, as a parent or spouse, cope with that and what should you do?
Judith: You can do a few things. You can get support for yourself. Or you can tell the person that you cannot be in their life because it is too painful to see them destroy themselves. Please see "Intervention" on my archived newsletters on my site. It deals with a whole social system intervening to force a person into treatment.
David: Here are a few audience comments on what's being said here tonight:
Mocho: It's nice to see a parent looking for support too (sarahsmom) - mine have outright told me they no longer support anything I do to try and get better (I "failed them" the first time I went to the hospital 2 years ago by not getting better fast enough - well, I never did get better).
Judith: I say, as long as there is life, there is hope.
Lori Varecka: The hospital therapist made it seem like it was my mother's fault. This was at a family counseling session, the only one my mom went to. She doesn't want to know anything about eating disorders.
Judith: The role of the therapist is to instill hope into a person. Find one who does.
Is any one thing anyone's fault? That can't be. There are many factors that go into this complicated illness. I imagine with gene mapping, we will one day find the aberrant gene for eating disorders. I hope your mom is here to see that news flash!
Kiki: Thank you Ms. Asner for your candid comments about this disease and thank you to HealthyPlace for offering this chat. Kiki
Janeperry2000: My daughter is 19, weighs 78 pounds now, and is 5'10". She still vomits a lot during each day! How do I help her to face the truth that this is what she has: bulimia! She doesn't want to go to the hospital! I don't want to wait until it's too late! I'm so concerned! Help!!!!
Judith: Jane: INTERVENTION - get a team mobilized. Read the small book Intervention that is listed on my site.
Lex: I am scared of getting better but I want to. Is that weird? It makes everything so hard. I tell myself when I weigh that I'll stop.
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