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Page 1 of 4 online conference transcript
Bob M is the moderator.
BEGINNING
Bob M: Good Evening everyone. Our conference tonight is geared for PARENTS, SPOUSES, RELATIVES, FRIENDS of those with Eating Disorders. Mary Fleming Callaghan, author of Wrinkles on the Heart, is sharing with us a parent's perspective and how she and her family dealt with her daughter's eating disorder. Just a little background, as with many of our conference guests, one of our site visitors recommended that I contact Mary and ask her to be here tonight because she shares a unique perspective that we don't often get here. Although, we get many emails from friends, parents, siblings, spouses on what they should do to help someone close to them with an eating disorder, they don't know where to turn. And they, too, are going through a lot of emotional turmoil. Good evening Mary and welcome to the Concerned Counseling website. Can you please give us an abbreviated version, to start, of who you are and how you came to write a book about your experiences?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: I wrote Wrinkles on the Heart for the thousands of parents out there whom I knew were suffering as we had. I wore myself out going from one bookstore to the next trying to find a book written by a parent. There were none. That's when I began to think about writing my own book, giving at least one parent's perspective on this horrendous disease. The result was Wrinkles on the Heart. Our family learned much during the six years of Kathleen's illness. I hope I can share some of those lessons with people tonight.
Bob M: How old was your daughter when she developed anorexia? and how old is she now?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: She was 15 when she became anorexic. And she is now 36.
Bob M: How did you discover that she had an eating disorder?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: One day she said that she was going to go on a diet and we all laughed at her. She was 5'8" tall and weighed 120 pounds. As time went on, we began to notice her losing weight.
Bob M: And then, when did you find out this was getting more serious and how did you find out?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: Her sister, Molly, told me she was waking up in the night and exercising in her bedroom. She would do sit ups and running in place. She wore baggy clothes so we didn't realize how thin she was getting. At her worst she got down to 69 pounds.
Bob M: Did she come to you and say "I've got a problem"? Or did you go to her?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: We confronted her. She did not feel that she had a problem. She believed she was too heavy and felt that she had to be thinner.
Bob M: So this is 15-20 years ago. I'm sure not much was known about eating disorders at that time. What was your reaction to what you saw?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: We were appalled because she was so thin to begin with, and were unimpressed with the way we were treated by the professionals.
Bob M: How did you feel as a parent?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: Guilt, at first. Then anger at her, and at the system.
Bob M: For those of you just coming in, Our conference tonight is geared for PARENTS, SPOUSES, RELATIVES, FRIENDS of those with Eating Disorders. Mary Fleming Callaghan, author of Wrinkles on the Heart, is sharing with us a parent's perspective and how she and her family dealt with her daughter's eating disorder. Can you explain why you were feeling guilty?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: I think parents are programmed to feel guilty, wondering where they went wrong, what we might have done to cause this aberration.
Bob M: And for yourself, what did you think you did to cause your daughter's eating disorder?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: After many months of reflection I could not see that we had done anything to cause her to do this to herself and to us. This guilt only lasted for me about 3 or 4 months, then I got angry.
Bob M: We will be taking questions/comments for our guest tonight. To send one, please type it in the regular "send box" at the bottom of the screen and make sure you click on the 'SEND TO MODERATOR' button....not the regular send button. If you don't click the 'SEND TO MODERATOR' button, our guest will not be able to see your question. Before we continue Mary, here are a few audience questions:
Coulleene: At what point did your daughter accept she had a problem?
Mary Fleming Callaghan: After a couple of years and after a great deal of psychotherapy, she finally admitted that she had a problem.
ack: How did you convince her to get help.
Mary Fleming Callaghan: We didn't. We just took her into the Diocesan Child Guidance Center and to the family doctor. We didn't give her a choice.
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