I'm going to occasionally write in this space about things that are irking me in the ED world. Usually I don't write anything down and I just keep my babbling to myself, but I decided to place my thoughts here finally to perhaps offer some kind of comfort to people that share the same thoughts that I do. ;)

2/07/02- I got an email from a woman who asked me to post her letter on the site. I refuse to use the term "pro-ana" to describe her just //because she does not want recovery at the moment (I know plenty of people who are not ready for recovery yet who don't actively engage in eating disorder behaviors, so I basically refuse to call anyone by that title since it's misplaced). I don't have her original email, but here is my reply to her with what she originally wrote in . Most of what was in her email is contained here. :) (Note: Weights have been replaced with an X so that it does not trigger anyone.)

Reply-To: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
To: RAI This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Subject: Re: My Thoughts


> When I first met my ex, I weighed XXXXX lbs. He constantly made comments about my appearance...even telling my son to yell out in public "Mom, get your fat butt out here". My friends couldn't believe that he would even consider me "fat".>


Can't say that I can believe he would do that either. Pardon my language, but what a friggin' asshole. If you don't mind my asking, did you grow up in a chaotic household? I'm just wondering what caused you two to get together, since he's apparently verbally abusive and a lot of women who end up with an abusive partner grew up in chatoic households.

>I feel very bad when I think that I have consumed too many calories...the guilt being so overpowering that I resort to harsh methods...purging and over-use of laxatives. The media hasn't helped...the latest reality being "The Victoria Secret" airing, which displayed very slim models wearing revealing underwear. The harsh reality was that our male counterparts were extremely "turned on and attracted" to these models. How else can we compete but to strive to be as thin as them? Why should I think any differently when society tell.s me thin is in?>

I used to think so as well, but then I realized that society is wrong. I refuse to follow orders or the status quo just becuase someone tells me to. I chose to become an individual and to live by my own limits and my own feelings instead of allowing the mass media and anyone else to control such. I find the similarites between Nazism and current society amazing. Before and during WWII the Third Reich would brainwash people into believing that Jews, gypsies, anyone without blue eyes and blonde hair, and anyone who didn't follow their orders were immediately lesser and unworthy beings. I don't think anyone currently would agree with such beliefs just because the society in Germany and eventually other countries in Europe believed so. Really no different from present society and not buying the BS that you have to look and act a certain way just because a part of society believes that is what is correct. The only difference is, those of us who choose not to follow such beliefs aren't sent to slaughter houses.

>I feel a sense of accomplishment when my collar bones protrude...or when my ribs are visible through my blouse...or my arms are pencil thin. I feel confident and I can hold my head high when I know that I have total control of physical appearance.>

Eh, but at the same time, the myth of control is extremely subjective. What appears to be control for you, is not control for someone else, just like what is attractive for one person isn't for another, which causes me to believe that control just really doesn't exist at all. It's just a made up entity created by society to bring us comfort when we could be creating the same feeling through other things.

>Who has the right to force me to gain weight? It's my body and I have the right to look after myself (equal to freedom of speech which has been very predominant in our culture).>

Very true, which is why no one is forcing you to gain weight. Everyone has their choices and beliefs in life, and are allowed to live by such. At the same time, though, we have to look at what is truly worthwhile in life. To some degree, freaking out over our appearances merely because society dictates us to (this is not counting in other issues such as chemical imbalances, biological factors, family probs, etc) is superficial, and to center our lives around such a superficial goal detracts us from spending our energies on more worthwhile projects that can help the good of humanity. Then we also have to take in the fact that some of us are mothers, just as you are, and for every time we are thinking about calories and fasting and the hatred for ourselves, it is just time gone by that we could have used to think about our children and their wellfare. That's not to say that anyone who has an ED or any other mental disorder is immediately a bad parent, but on the other hand, whether a person is into the "pro-ana" gig, in recovery, or just hanging around, it doesn't dismiss the damage that is done to our bodies, which puts children at a disadvantage.

>I really like the way I look, why should this concern others? Why should society be concerned when the media focuses on being thin?>

I ask the same questions, but if we are to question why should society be concerned with us, why should we be concerned with what society says we should look like? The two questions are in the same ballpark.

>We have a right to express our feelings (through our bodies) just as others have expressed their feelings (through the media). Please give us our rights and not label us as psychological cases". When society determines that physical appearance is not important, then we as a society can begin to gain self esteem about ourselves and live in harmony. But that will never happen...not in my lifetime.>

Eh, but why wait around for society to make the change? Why not instead find the willpower within ourselves to make the change with our own hands and feet? Why cave in and do what society wants us to anyways? If we want change, we need to start with ourselves, and not wait for someone else to do it for us. Had people such as MLK, Rosa Parks, Schindler, or any of the other numerous people who created massive changes to societies around the world just sat around waiting for society to change itself, god only knows where things would stand currently. Just as enough people decided that superficial appearances should be the holy grail, enough people can get together to change society and have it go the other direction. But, that won't happen as long as we keep sitting around waiting for other people to do it for us.

I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do, and I especially will keep your physical health in mind for the sake of your son. Please take care and hang in there hon.