Here are some of the common questions that I get asked either through email, IM, research reports, or just general discussions that I walk into. :) More will be added as they come along, but I hope that what's here will help either you or someone you know understand these demons more.

I know I have a problem but I don't want to get help because I don't want them to make me fat!

Believe me, a therapist or doctor's aim is not to make you fat. What exactly would the point of that be? This fear is merely one the ED tries to play on you in order to keep you away from help as long as possible. In truth a doctor or therapist is not concerned with shoving food down your mouth and making you gain a bazillion pounds. Doctors and therapists who know about ED's know very well how nerve wracking just even the thought of gaining weight is for a patient. The only time a patient will be asked to gain some weight is when the weight they are currently at is putting them in immediate medical danger. Even then, some sort of plan is set-up so that only this or that is gained over a period of time so that it is the least painful for the patient.

My friend has an eating disorder and other problems. What can I do to help him/her?

First try out the The "Rules" of Support page for a general idea on what and what not to do to help your friend. I hope that your friend is in some kind of therapy for their problems, but if he/she isn't, do what you can to encourage them to talk to someone about seeing a therapist for the ED and other problems. Let them know that their problems are shared by thousands of others, and that they are not things to be ashamed over and are very treatable. One thing that you need to know, however, is that if your friend doesn't want to get better or does not want recovery or to try and change, then they won't. It's very hard to watch someone like a friend fall apart in front of you, but the truth of the matter is that no one can force someone into therapy if it is something that they do not want.

I don't know what your friend's family situation is like, but if they have a fairly good relationship with their parents (or one of them) and the parents are or the parent is stable (meaning they don't have problems such as alcoholism for example), and they have not told them or one of them about their problems, then try to encourage your friend to talk to their parents/parent about it. Your friend doesn't have to tell them specifically what is wrong, but instead he/she could say that they just haven't been feeling okay lately and that they really feel like they need to talk to a therapist for a little bit. If he/she is unable to talk to a parent themselves, maybe a friend of theirs like you or someone else can talk to them, or a group of friends could talk to the parents in a group, or your friend could do it through a letter or email. If it seems as though they have parents who, if told about these things, would only blow up or not get your friend help, then continue to try and support him/her by encouraging them to talk to you. If therapy isn't an option because their parents are not supportive, then see if maybe getting them into group therapy would be an option.

If therapy or some other kind of support is an option and your friend does not want help, but at the same time it starts to seem as though he/she is really putting themselves in immediate medical danger and they still refuse to talk to someone about this, then I would go to a school counselor and let them know what is going on and let that person take it from there.

I don't want to be anorexic but I don't want to be fat either. What do I do?

The best information or advice I can give you is to try and get help, and through that learn how to accept you for you. I'm speaking from 8 years of experience when I say that you will NEVER be satisfied with your body no matter what weight it holds until you are satisfied with yourself as a whole. This cycle actually has very little to do with weight. All weight and food are are a gauge as to how you feel about yourself, and until you are ready to accept yourself as a person and not just as a body you will continue to lose weight and continue to feel fat. With eating disorder's we can never see ourselves for who we truly are or for how we truly look, and as long as the eating disorder is in control we will continue to only see ourselves as vile and fat and failures when we look in the mirror.

I weigh x lbs. Am I fat?/Do I have an eating disorder?

First thing, I'm not a doctor or in any kind of medical school, so I can't tell someone whether they are overweight or not. Even if I were a doctor, it's impossible to tell someone over the internet without finding out how much muscle the person has, the size of the person's bones, the rate of their metabolism, and so on since all of these things and more affect whether someone is considered overweight or not. Also, a person is not considered to have an eating disorder just based upon their weight. So many people do not understand that weight and numbers are not what eating disorders are based upon. No matter your weight is, if you have disordered eating behaviors then there is a problem. Society has a bad tendency to only show those who are emaciated or only those who purge a million times a day as the only ones who have a problem, so people feel that unless they only weigh 2.6 ounces or unless they purge 24/7 that they are perfectly fine. You end up thinking that you don't have a problem because you aren't "as bad" as someone else. Regardless of how much you restrict, how much you purge, or the duration of these behaviors, food is meant to be eaten in "normal" quantities and was never meant to be an emotional therapist. If you do any of these behaviors at any point for any period of time then there is a serious and deadly problem at hand that needs treatment. It's true that there are people who are more severe with their problems, but the key is to not look at them with competitive impulses, but instead to think about how you need to get help before your own life gets to that degree of severity.

I think I have an ED... Am I going crazy?

You definitely are not going crazy. An eating disorder is not a matter of being "insane" or anything of the sort. It is a behavioral disorder and one of self-worth and also of finding out who you are as a person, but it is not something that means you have lost your mind (although at times the struggle between the logical mind and the eating disorder's mind can make you feel as though you've lost your marbles).