The Intervention Begins

The story below demonstrates how an intervention for bulimia nervosa works. You'll also find my comments and recommendations.

Mary's Story

Once Lisa was convinced that Mary had bulimia, she wanted to confront Mary about her condition, and thought that having an intervention would be the best way.

First, she called Mary's mother, Julia Finch. Julia began to cry the moment Lisa started explaining the purpose of her call. "I know you're right but I just can't believe it. My poor Mary. Where did I go wrong? I always tried to be the perfect mother"

Lisa was taken aback. Julia was talking about Mary as if she were a little girl, not a grown woman in her second year of college. "Julia," she said firmly, "let's not talk about whose fault it is. From everything I've read, it's not anyone's fault. Let's just figure out how we can help Mary. We all want her to get well, and I think having an intervention is our best hope."

Julia agreed, but Lisa could tell that Julia was still crying even as they planned the details of the intervention. Together, they decided to invite several key people in Mary's life to gather at Lisa's home on a Friday night. Lisa would invite Mary over on the pretext of having dinner together and going to a movie.

Mary showed up right on time. Her smile froze the minute she stepped into the living room and saw her parents, her sister Nikki and brother Bud, her friends, and Susan Bateson, the woman for whom she babysits. Confused, she turned to Lisa and asked, "What are they all doing here?"

Lisa walked over to Mary and tried to take her hand. "Mary, we're here because we're worried about your eating disorder.

"Eating disorder!" Mary said, her eyes widening in amazement. "I don't have an eating disorder! I don't know what you are talking about. I thought we were going to the movies" Her voice trailed off. She turned to look at all the people in the room as if she were seeing them for the first time. "What are you all doing here?" she asked, her voice rising in anger. "What's going on? Tell me, right now. What is going on?"

Crying, Julia rose and walked over to her daughter. "Mary," she began, trying to hug her daughter," We love you and want to help you."

But Mary didn't want her mother's hug. Pushing Julia aside, she walked right up to Lisa. "You lied to me," she yelled. "I thought you were my friend. What kind of a friend would do something like this? I hate you. I hate all of you."

"You've been lying to us for years now, Mary," Lisa said, her voice barely under control. "We can't stand by and watch you practically kill yourself with your bulimia."

"STOP IT!" Mary shrieked. She ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, slamming the door so hard the chandelier shook.

Lisa and Julia followed. Tentatively, they knocked on the door. "Go away!" Mary screamed. "I hate you. Just leave me alone."

The others in the living room sat in stony silence. Finally, Richard, Mary's father, stood up and began pacing. Angrily, Julia approached him and said, "For God's sake, will you please go up there and talk to her? She won't listen to me. Just once in your life, will you please get involved?"

Richard was on the verge of answering, but held his tongue. Exchanging an icy stare with his wife, he slowly walked toward the toward the closed bathroom door.

"Mary," he said softly, "please come out. We're not mad at you. We just want to help you."

No answer. Even more softly, as if his heart were breaking, he said, "Mary, we love you, and we just want to help you. I promise, I'm not mad."

He waited. Finally, the door opened a crack, and then Mary fell sobbing into her father's arms. "Oh Daddy, I'm so sorry," she cried. He just held her for what felt like hours. As her crying slowly subsided, she reached out to her mother as well. "Mommy, I'm sorry - for this, for everything. I'm sorry about what I'm doing to you. I try so hard, I try to be good, to be perfect"

Facts About Bulimia and Bulimics

Did you know:

1. Women who develop bulimia are more vulnerable to social pressures than their peers.
2. The average age of onset of bulimia nervosa is 18 - 19 years.
3. These years, when many women typically leave home to enter college or the work force, correspond to the times when many women are most dissatisfied with their bodies and diet most strenuously.
4. Most women who have the eating disorder are 10 - 47% heavier than their peers.
5. Binge eating usually starts during or after a period of restrictive dieting.
6. Purging behaviors (vomiting, overuse of enemas or laxatives, running 10 miles a day) usually begin about one year after bingeing.
7. Most women wait 6 - 7 years before seeking treatment for bulimia.

Judith Recommends

"How Good Do We Have To Be?: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness" by Harold S. Kushner (Little Brown, 1997).

The author of "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" reflects on perfection, guilt and forgiveness. This book will help man people struggling with bulimia and the people who love them.