Eating Disorder First-Hand Stories - Living with an Eating Disorder

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Letters from Parents

Michelle Daughter-16 Bulimia

I found out that my 16 year old daughter was bulimic approximately 2 years ago after I found a journal that she was writing. Actually, in my ignorance at the time, I thought she was just "going through a phase". I didn't believe that she was doing it often, nor did I believe that it would continue very long. These opinions were based on the fact that I never saw or heard her do it and she didn't appear to be losing weight.

I did not approach her with my discovery- and at about the same time she began counseling for depression. Her therapist confirmed to me that she was binging and purging.

She lost a classmate to suicide, then her beloved grandfather died suddenly of a heart attack. I know she started making herself throw up as a way of "having control" over her life, and "getting rid of the bad stuff". She never wanted to have me find out because she said that it is disgusting and she was afraid of disappointing me. In fact, it's only within the last few months that she became aware that I know about it.

She has seen a counselor for 2 years, which hasn't helped much. She says he doesn't understand. She took Prozac for 1 1/2 months, then refused to take it anymore-said it didn't make her feel better. She does access your message board and chatrooms which I think has helped her because she is able to talk to people who "understand".

No other members of the family are in counseling at this time. It seems like I am the only other person affected by it. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt! I feel like if I would have tried harder to give her a stronger self-esteem, she wouldn't be trying to hurt herself. I feel like I have failed her in some way. It scares me to think of the long term problems she is subjecting herself to. I also don't understand what would make a person want to do that.

That is why I access your channel, because I am desperately searching for ways to help my daughter before this gets completely out of control. I want to make her feel good about herself, and realize that she is a wonderful person.

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Letters of Recovery

Den Age: 34 Anorexia

Due to an 'on-going' horrendous childhood, I entered my teens with a very low opinion of myself.

I suppose I was around 12 when I first stopped eating. Looking back, I am not certain why? Only that I could, so I did! I think most people then considered it a 'teen' thing and that I would outgrow it. By the time I was 16, my periods had stopped and I weighed 84 pounds. I had full-blown anorexia.

My family doctor had me hospitalized. By then, it was no longer a choice element. The thought of food would bring on immediate nausea. I recall clearly one doctor that came to see me. He told me I was wasting his time and that my parents should 'do something' with me. That incident made me very wary of approaching medical people for a long time.

Over the years, I have received medication on and off, but I have quickly relapsed into my anorexia once support is withdrawn. The real crunch for me came in Spring '95. I collapsed. It was a heart attack. The years of self starvation had damaged my body irreversibly. I was in the hospital for 5 months. This time I received therapy for eating disorders as well as medication.

It has taken the 18 months since to regain my strength. I am now just over 105 pounds. I now do the grocery shopping. I couldn't face that for years. I even cook for my family.

To aid in my recovery, I was given extensive therapy on a one-to-one basis. I have to say that the therapy was the best treatment. The sub-conscious mind is an extraordinarily strong thing and my emotional difficulties needed to be addressed. I still have to use beta-blockers for my heart as I am left with a 'murmur' and morphine-based painkillers on occasion. I no longer though use medication for the anorexia.

Two things that I avoid that help me, weighing scales and mirrors. Both can bring about strong negative responses. It is a little like alcoholism. I will always have the tendency towards anorexia, but by avoiding certain triggers I can live a "normal life".

I will never be able to associate pleasure and food, but through education I can understand the necessity for it. I now acknowledge that eating is a task I must attend to and I've established a daily eating routine.

For me, it has always been about control, never weight. I do worry about relapsing and have never had the opportunity to talk to other people who have experienced this type of illness. Support is paramount and recovery can be tough as I often feel isolated. Few people understand how hard it is living with anorexia.

I hope that one day all kids will receive the help they need before their problem becomes deeply embedded. I now focus on today and worry about tomorrow when it arrives. I thank my husband and my kids for their support and belief in me.

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Amy Age: 28 Anorexia

I was 18 years old and off to college. I was overweight when I entered college, but by the end of my sophomore year I had lost over 100 pounds. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

What started as a "FAD DIET", became a compulsion for me. I had gotten so bad at school with my starving, laxatives and diet pills, that I was forever passing out in my dorm room. I was in treatment at school with a psychiatrist at a local hospital that was pushing for hospitalization.

After passing out in my dorm room, ending up in the emergency room with low potassium, I was hospitalized on a general psychiatric unit for one month.

Besides the "fad diet", the big thing that really triggered my eating disorder was being raped at college. After 30 days of continued weight loss, my family was called to take me home to a hospital in New York that specialized in eating disorders.

I suffered from my eating disorder for 8 years with multiple hospitalizations ( I gave up counting after 12). I was tube fed on IV's and miserable. I was placed on antidepressant medications including Anafranil, Disipramine, Prozac and Zoloft.

At the height of my illness, the eating disorder consumed my entire life. I gave up my friends, isolated myself in the house, dropped out of college (temporarily) and spent 5 days a week at the eating disorders' clinic for nutritional counseling and group therapy. Add to that, medical appointments three times per week. My family didn't understand this. To them, being thin was desirable at ANY COST.

I suffered many relapses and my eating disorder progressed to the point that I wanted to die. I reached that point of death and woke up in the ICU in 1994... that was when my recovery really began. My last hospitalization was in 1995.

I'm currently on Elavil. I'm also in out-patient psychotherapy on a weekly basis with my psychiatrist.

I have great hope for the future. I'm as close to eating disorder free as I think I can get. I refuse to let my eating disorder get out of control.

I went back to school and received my Master's Degree in Social Work. I am a practicing social worker and my intention is to help others fight this battle. My hopes and dreams for the future are to work with a non profit organization here in New York to help people with eating disorders get the treatment they need, even when they can't afford it.

I'm now married. I now have 2 1/2 years free of hospitalizations. Relapses happen with ED's and the media doesn't help at all...it's a never ending battle.