She knew how to keep her support system strong. And that was by being MUTUALLY supportive. In fact she gave so much more to others than she ever needed , wanted or expected in return. In early November she began sending out Christmas cards to all the people on her extensive list. Sometimes I got several because she found a new one that she thought I would enjoy. If she was picking blueberries, she picked extras and delivered them to people she cared about. She was always volunteering to take friends shopping or out for lunch. When she worked at the church rummage sale (which she did until the day before her stroke), she was always on the look-out for something one of her friends or family members could use. She phoned and wrote regularly to keep in touch with others. She was always available to listen when anyone needed to be heard.

By giving support to others when she could, she got it for herself when she desperately needed it. The things she did for others became second nature to her. She used her support to keep mania and depression at bay following her discharge from the hospital. When she was having a hard time she called up one of the many people she knew she could trust and shared with them her innermost feelings. They would often spend time with her, supporting her until she was ready to resume her normal activities. Her own brand of mutual support enriched her life.

Often when we think of someone who had manic depression as severe as my mother's, and who was hospitalized for a long time, that when they got out of the hospital, their life would be limited and isolated. Not true in her case. Because she was so supportive of so many people, others loved and supported her.

In the spring of 1994, at the age of 82, she had a major stroke which left her unable to speak or move her right side. This time her hospitalization was different. She was a patient in a magnificent facility associated with the retirement community where she lived with my father. She was in a beautifully decorated private room and received loving attention from a staff which catered to the needs of the elderly.

The hospital staff however, was not prepared for the overwhelming support she received. As soon as her massive community of support heard what had happened, they started to come. A continuing procession. Family members and friends filled her room around the clock, wanting to be sure she didn't feel alone for even one minute. Some just peeked in and let her know they were there. But most stayed, sometimes all day and over night. The facility really didn't have rules to deal with a situation like this so they just let it happen. Literally hundreds of people came along with stacks of cards and so many flowers that we had to find other people to give them to, as the room was full.

When she died a month later, the two memorial services were packed to overflowing, a testimony to a woman who survived a horrible mental illness, and who received all the support she needed for herself because she gave so much to others. She died surrounded by her loved ones. The night before she died my brother, an organist, played her favorite hymns to take her through the night. My sister-in-law played the keyboard and we sang songs that she remembered from long ago. What a marvelous send-off!

The service at the retirement home was packed with hundreds of people. The flowers were magnificent, a final tribute designed by a very talented granddaughter. At the second service, intended for family and friends, family members read eulogies and great grand children again sang her favorite hymns. Even the standing room was filled. My brother and her granddaughter played the organ, as she would have wanted.

The graveside service was for family only. It was a beautiful Saturday morning in spring. As we gathered to say good-bye, a beautiful hawk hovered in the sky. When the service was over the hawk vanished into thin air, just as it had come.

Because of Kate, I knew that my diagnosis with manic depression was not the end of the road, that I would, like her, get well, and stay well.

Kate's story, and the story of others who have walked in her shoes, needs to be told again and again. Those of us with psychiatric illnesses need to know that there are many, many people who, like Kate, get well, stay well and lead rich, rewarding and valuable lives.

Could It Have Been Different

Self-esteem and self-confidence can be eroded by years of depression and manic depression. This difficult topic is presented with warmth and enthusiasm. Using simple self-help techniques, participants learn that they are unique and valuable human beings. New doors of opportunity open as people who have experienced depression or manic depression become aware of their potential and move forward with confidence.

Getting Well

People who experience depression and manic depression are often plagued with deeply engraved negative thought patterns. These obsessive thoughts severely hinder the wellness process. Participants learn to take charge of their thoughts, and are taught practical cognitive therapy techniques that will free them to replace negative thought patterns with ones that are more healthy, positive, and true.

next: Blueprints for Building Self-Esteem