I soon became aware of a clear difference in responses from study participants. Some people were blaming their instability on everyone else. "If only my parents hadn't.....", "if only my doctor would try.....", "if only my fourth grade teacher had.....", etc.. Mood instability was controlling these people's lives. Others were taking responsibility for their own lives, advocating for themselves, educating themselves, getting the support they need, etc., These people were getting well and staying well. You can bet I made an about face at that point and joined the ranks of people taking responsibility for themselves as fast as my brain could adapt. That was the first giant step on my way back to life.

Then I learned from these people who had so much knowledge to share, that I had to advocate for myself, no matter how difficult that might seem for someone with wildly oscillating moods and self esteem in the basement. I began thinking about what I wanted for myself in terms of treatment, housing, relationships, support, work and activities. Then I figured out strategies to make these things happen and went for it. Things began to change in my life and they continue to change. My life gets better and better.

As many others have done, but I hadn't, I began to educate myself. I read everything I could about depression, manic depression, medications, and alternative treatments. I contacted national, state and local organizations for help in this process. I told my health care professionals what I wanted and expected from them rather than depending on them to make decisions for me. I began to take better care of myself. I developed a plan that instructed certain people to make decisions for me in the event that I couldn't make them for myself, and told them how I wanted to be treated in these circumstances.

Through this effort I discovered that, even though I had been hospitalized at several major medical centers, no one had bothered to give me a complete thyroid test. I found that I had severe hypothyroidism (hypothyroidism causes depression) which needed to be treated. Once that treatment began, my mind really began to clear and my progress was remarkable.

I got connected with the national movement of psychiatric survivors. I began attending meetings and conferences with other people whose journeys had been similar to mine. I felt validated and affirmed. I began teaching in earnest the skills I was learning through my study to others who could benefit like I was.

With the help of several excellent counselors, co-counseling and numerous self help resources, I undertook the task of getting to know myself and my symptoms in a successful attempt to discover early warning signs of impending moodswings and, in effect, cut them off at the pass. At first, I developed detailed daily charts to assist me in this process. As I got to know myself better, I found that I didn't need to use the charts anymore.

Now, as I notice early warning signs I alleviate them with a variety of simple, safe, inexpensive or free, effective self help techniques including stress reduction and relaxation techniques, talking to a supporter, peer counseling, doing activities that I enjoy and that I know make me feel better, exercise, improving my diet, and simplifying my life.

I have discovered my diet really affects the way I feel. If I overload on junk food, sugar and caffeine, I soon find myself feeling lousy. If I focus my diet on high complex carbohydrates (six servings of grains and five servings of veggies a day) I feel great. I have gotten in the habit of keeping a variety of easy to fix healthy foods on hand so I won't succumb to the junk food trap when I don't feel like cooking.

I try to get outside for a walk every day. This gives me two things-exercise which always makes me feel better, and light through the eyes which I have found also helps. Light has been a big issue for me. As the days get shorter and darker in the fall, my winter depression begins to set in. I have virtually eliminated these winter depressions by getting outside for at least half and hour a day, and by supplementing my light for two hours in the morning with a light box.

I got rid of my electric blanket and substituted a warm comforter after discovering the hazardous effects of being wrapped up in an electromagnetic field all night. I noticed another positive upswing in my overall wellness after making this change.

I finally realized that I create my thoughts and I can change them. I have worked hard at changing old negative thought patterns that increase depression to new, positive ones. I think I will always be doing this work. For example, when my mother was depressed, she would often repeat, over and over, thousands of times a day, "I want to die". When I got depressed, I started doing the same thing. The more I said "I want to die", the more suicidal I became. I finally realized that if I said instead, "I choose to live" I felt much better and the suicidal ideation decreased.

Another thought that plagued me was "I have never accomplished anything". I decided to take a different approach. I decided I had accomplished a great deal. For a while I became quite fanatical about making long lists of things I had accomplished. Everything from getting up in the morning and completing kindergarten to two masters degrees and raising five kids was on the lists. After a while, I realized I didn't have to make these lists anymore, that this negative thought was no longer a factor in my life.

When negative thoughts become obsessive, I wear a rubber band on my wrist. Every time I start thinking negative thoughts, I snap the rubber band. It reminds me to refocus on more positive aspects of my life. A rubber band on my wrist is a cue to family and friends that I am working on obsessive thoughts.