1. Join a support group. Support groups are one of the best places to make good friends. It can be any kind of a support group - a group of people who have a certain disorder or disability, people who are working on similar issues, a men's or women's group, a group for single parents, etc. The list goes on and on. The hardest thing about joining a support group is going the first time. This is true for everyone. Just be determined and go. After you have gone several times, you will feel much more comfortable. If you don't feel comfortable after you have attended several times, you may want to go to a different group.

2. Go to meetings, lectures, concerts, readings and other events and activities in your community. Check the newspaper for listings of events that sound interesting to you. Then go. When you have seen the same person several times, you can begin to chat with them about your common interest. This is how friendships and closer relationships begin. As you get to know each other better, you may decide to visit on a friendly basis or get together. Where the relationship goes from there is up to both of you.

3. Volunteer. Work for a worthy organization or cause that you feel strongly about. You will meet others who share your passion, and perhaps make some new friends in the process. Most communities have an organization you can contact for volunteer organizations. Or you can call the organization directly.

4. Reconnect with old friends. Most people can think of friends they had in the past that they enjoyed, but with whom they have lost touch over the years. If you can think of one or several people like that, give them a call, drop them a note or send them an e-mail. If it seems that they are as interested as you are in reconnecting, make a plan to get together. Then, if you both enjoy your time together, make a plan for the next time you will get together before parting so you don't lose contact again. Do this every time you get together.

5. Strengthen your connections with family members. Connections with family members are important to almost everyone. However, due to difficult family issues and lack of time and attention, these relationships may be distant or non-existent. Renewing and strengthening these connections, if it feels right to you to do so, can enhance and enrich your life. You may need to be the one to reach out. Invite family members with whom you would like a stronger connection to join you for a meal or a shared activity. Share the good things that are going on in your life. Ask them to tell you about the important and significant issues in their lives. Make a commitment to work together on a strong relationship with each other, one in which you will resolve differences amicably, without estrangement.

6. Make sure that the relationships you have with others are mutual - that you are there for them as much as they are there for you. Relationships often diminish and disappear if one person is doing all the giving and one is doing all the receiving. I have a friend who has since moved, but who used to call me or come to visit me often. She talked constantly, sharing every detail of her life. I never got a chance to say anything. I felt terrible - disaffirmed and unsupported by her. Finally I told her how I was feeling. She apologized and thanked me for telling her. She said she knew that she does this and that sometimes she notices that people's "eyes glaze over" when she is talking, but it is hard for her to stop. We made a commitment that every time we talk, we would each get equal time to share. It worked. Our relationship survived. We are still in touch by mail, phone and an occasional visit.

7. Seek professional advice. Do you think you are doing something that turns other people away from you, but you don't really know what it is? If so, you may want to see a counselor and ask her or him to help you discover why you have a hard time keeping friends. A counselor could also help you to resolve the issue.

In all my work, I have come to believe that we each need at least five people in our lives that we feel very close to - family members, neighbors, colleagues, and friends - so that when we would like to be with someone, someone will be available. In each of these close relationships, you love and trust each other, you connect with and support each other in the good and hard times, and, most importantly, you spend time together doing fun things that both of you enjoy.

If you don't have five people like that in your life right now, make a plan for how you will make some new friends and connections, using ideas from this article and others that come to mind. You may want to make a list of these people, along with their addresses and phone numbers, so that you can be in touch with them when you notice that you are feeling lonely.

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