Research has also shown that depressives tend to have more self-evaluating and self-comparing thoughts than do non-depressives.(5) This is additional evidence that reducing the number of self-comparisons is a logical tactic against depression for depressives.

An example of how one can force oneself to avoid negative self- comparisons and thereby prevent sadness: Link S. himself a depressive, has a son, Daniel, who worries more than do most kids about school work, though Daniel is very good in school and Link tells Daniel not to let school performance worry him.

One night Link asked Daniel to "promise" not to worry about school the next day. Daniel reported it worked. Then Link said to his son, "I ought to try the same thing myself." Daniel suggested that they exchange promises that each would have a happy day on the morrow. Link thought it was a lovely idea, and agreed. And it worked, even though Link was in the midst of a bad period at work. Since then they exchange such promises frequently, and Link - because he feels a responsibility to keep promises to his children - works extra hard at keeping himself in a sadness-free mood, banishing negative self-comparisons whenever they come into his mind, and turning his thoughts to family, specific work problems, and nature. This is evidence of the efficacy of the tactic of avoiding negative self-comparisons. It also shows again how one's mood depends both upon external conditions and also on one's mind set.

Will Your Attention Away from the Depressing Thoughts

All of us have very considerable powers to refuse to make evaluations and self-comparisons, and to influence our moods by sheer decision and force of will, as this small anecdote shows. The Jewish Sabbath is the center of our family's life, and an oasis of delight, especially for my wife and me. Please understand that this is a purely personal matter, and has nothing to do with any supernatural belief or religious obligation, but it is nevertheless very important for us. One Friday afternoon recently (after I had ceased being depressed) I was on an airplane due to make a tight connection with another plane and arrive at home before the meal that would begin the Sabbath on Friday evening. I fell asleep in my seat just before take-off, but awoke fully 45 minutes later to find the plane still on the ground. My neighbor told me that a broken seat was in the process of being fixed, and we could not leave until it would be fixed. The plane was already so late that I would miss my connection according to the schedule, and it was the last connecting flight that night. The fixing took another 20 minutes or so. I then asked the stewardess if there was anything that could be done to hold the connecting plane. She asked if there were others in the same shape, and she found eight or nine others. She then wired ahead, but told us that there was little chance that the connecting flight would wait.

As I sat in my seat, beginning to be very anxious about whether we'd make the connection, and very upset about the possibility of having to spend the Sabbath in a hotel away from my family and the bliss of the Sabbath, I could feel anger and then depression coming on. Then I thought as follows: If I stay calm and refuse to get upset, and if I miss my connection, will I lose anything by being upset? No. If I let myself get upset and we do make the connecting flight, will I later feel that I have been foolish in allowing myself to approach the Sabbath in a turmoil? Yes. Therefore, since being anxious and upset can do no good, and might be a foolish and misplaced internal commotion, why let yourself be upset?

I therefore determined not to let myself be upset. To that end I concentrated on making small talk with my neighbor and her children, breathing deeply in my belly to relax myself and make myself feel good, thinking about the lovely time I would have on the Sabbath if I did get home, and enjoying my airline meal. My anxiety broke through my pleasant calm from time to time, but when it did I firmly pushed it out of my mind and went back to breathing deeply or chatting.

And - it worked. Even more wonderful, by unusual air traveler's luck, the other plane was somewhat late anyhow, and it was held. I got home only slightly delayed, and in good time for the Sabbath meal. I was overjoyed at that good fortune, and additionally pleased that I arrived home in such calm and good cheer because I had not allowed my anxiousness to get home upset or depress me and then ruin my festive mood.

This example from Alcoholic Anonymous "Big Book" is instructive even though the aim was to avoid taking a drink rather than a neg-comp:

There have ...been numerous times when I have thought about taking a drink. Such thinking usually began with thoughts of the pleasant drinking of my youth. I learned early in my A. A. life that I could not afford to fondle such thoughts, as you might fondle a pet, because this particular pet could grow into a monster. Instead, I quickly substitute one or another vivid scene from the nightmare of my later drinking.(6)

Substitute a depressive's propensity to dwell on a neg-comp that affords the gratification of self-pity, for example, instead of the alcoholic's thought of a drink, and the anecdote provides guidance for avoiding depressing thoughts.

Change the Subject

A device that can be useful in reducing negative self- comparisons is simply changing the subject of your thinking and internal conversation - from a work failure to family, from war in Africa to a technical question, from a sick child to tennis, or whatever. Do you wonder whether you can do this? Of course you can - just as you can often (but not always) convince someone else to change the subject of conversation. Of course this means that you must be willing at times to turn away from subjects of interest to you when they cause you pain.

Vaillant thus typifies the behavior of the middle-aged men who had made successful psychological adaptations of their circumstances: "If you cannot bear it, forget it." And he noticed that the only two men in his study who did not use this or any "neurotic" devices to avoid painful thoughts were the two men in his sample who described themselves as "chronically depressed."(11)

Young persons often believe that purposely ignoring unpleasant facts is in some way "dishonest" and "untruthful." Certainly it can be dishonest to deny unpleasant facts. And sometimes it is unwise to ignore unpleasant facts if they will cause greater harm unless you deal with them. But for those facts which you cannot alter - a chronic ailment, perhaps, or a low pay level in one's chosen occupation - then there seems neither practical nor moral virtue in keeping oneself constantly aware of the fact and of the negative self-comparison it produces; to do so is simply foolhardy and counterproductive.