Change Your Dimensions

Consider some dimension of your life on which you frequently compare yourself negatively. Let's say that you have not found a way to improve your numerator - your perceived actual state of affairs. And you are not prepared to sweeten the denominator - the benchmark state to which you compare yourself. This leaves you with a Mood Ratio which causes you to suffer sadness and depression. The best strategy may be to replace that entire Rotten Ratio with another one - that is, to turn away from that entire dimension of comparison. There are two related sets of tactics for changing the dimension: a) changing your priorities about the various aspects of your life, and b) focusing your attention on the good things in your life rather than the bad things. Both of these sets of tactics are staples of folk wisdom. And they both call upon our capacity to direct our attention toward some dimensions of our lives and away from others.

Counting Your Blessings

The device of "counting your blessings" can be used to change your denominator, by changing the benchmark comparison that you make, as discussed in Chapter 13. Much the same device is used to shift to a more positive dimension for self- comparison. Instead of brooding on lack of job success, you make yourself remember your family's good health. When you lose your money in the stock market, you try to keep in mind your wonderful children. Literature and folklore are full of stories of people whose brushes with catastrophe turned their lives around by making them realize how well off they were. And others have come to the same conclusion by simply reflecting on this aspect of their lives, and they have overcome depression in that fashion. But counting your blessings is not always enough by itself, as discussed in Chapter 13 on sweetening your denominator. And a great deal of effort often is required to keep the blessings at the center of your attention - sometimes so much effort that the cost seems greater than the benefit.

Counting your blessings can be like a curse when someone else tells you how well off you really are, and that you have no cause to be depressed. Unless you are able to accept the advice to count your blessings - and usually you are not - then the suggestion that you do so simply makes you more miserable, because it seems to show how little the other person understands your situation and your feelings. The specifics of the blessings to be counted must come from you.

Shifting Your Priorities

Re-arranging your priorities is a second device for changing Mood Ratio dimensions. A frequent and important example is the person whose actual occupational achievements do not measure up to the person's aspirations, yet is unwilling to scale down his or her aspirations so as to keep the denominator from dominating the numerator. The person may then prevent negative self- comparisons by focusing attention on another related ratio-- perhaps the person's courage in persisting against obstacles, or the person's success in helping co-workers achieve important successes in their work.

Bert F. is a poet who has struggled for years to win readers and respect for his poetry, with only occasional small success and never a really big success. Whether it is his ideas or his unconventionally simple style that keep him from succeeding, he does not know. He continues to believe that his poetry is fine and exciting work, but the overwhelming lack of interest in his work on the part of critics finally wore him down and left him depressed. After months of deep sadness, however, he decided that he could at least give himself high marks for courage and fortitude. And now when his mind turns to the failure of his poems, he consciously directs his mind to his courage. This lifts his spirits. There are also many physically-disabled persons who struggle to learn and work against tough odds, and who keep up their spirits with much the same device.

The non-depressive healthy-minded person usually is quite flexible about choosing dimensions on which to compare himself or herself -- often, more flexible than friends and associates would like. The man who doesn't support his family because he seldom has a job tells himself and his family that he is a good father because he spends so much of his time with his children. And the university professor who does no research takes pride in his teaching, and insists that teaching is more important than research for the purpose of deciding salaries; the professor who does lots of good research but teaches badly argues exactly the opposite. But depressive personalities usually do not use this escape hatch. You can go beyond changing the dimensions you focus on, and actually shift your life goals. Instead of aiming for financial success, you may decide to concentrate on the number of people you help get a start in life. Instead of aiming for popularity, you may aim at moral purity.

This anecdote--in answer to a question put to former astronaut Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. who suffered much mental pain-- shows how a person may shift to new dimensions of life to find happiness:

Question: "What was your most positive experience as an astronaut, and how has it helped you in your life today?"-- S.D., Santa Fe, N.M. Aldrin: "The aftermath of Apollo II made me realize that I had no idea what I was looking for in my life. It took hospitalization for psychiatric treatment and the acceptance of myself as an alcoholic to make me see that faith, hope and love for people are infinitely better goals than individual achievement."(1)