Listening Skills: A Powerful Key To Successful Negotiating

Unfortunately, few negotiators know how to be good listeners. And negotiators who are poor listeners miss numerous opportunities in their counterpart's words. Statistics indicate that the normal, untrained listener is likely to understand and retain only about 50 percent of a conversation. This relatively poor percentage drops to an even less impressive 25 percent retention rate 48 hours later. This means that recall of particular conversations will usually be inaccurate and incomplete.

Many communication problems in negotiations are attributable to poor listening skills. To be a good listener, you must attempt to be objective. This means you must try to understand the intentions behind your counterpart's communication--and not just what you want to under- stand. With everything your counterpart tells you, you must ask your- self: "Why did he tell me that? What does he think my reaction should be? Was he being honest?" and so on.

The best negotiators almost always turn out to be the best listeners as well. Why does the correlation exist? Invariably, the best negotiators have been observing the communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, of their counterparts. They have heard and noted how other negotiators effectively use word choice and sentence structure. They have also practiced listening for the vocal skills, such as the rate of speech, pitch, and tonal quality.

Experts on listening suggest that we all make at least one major listening mistake each day, and for negotiators, such mistakes can be costly. It seems obvious, but studies prove that the most successful salespeople are those who are able to uncover more needs than their less successful colleagues. This finding is significant, since sales- people make their living by negotiating.

Three Pitfalls of Listening

Negotiators tend to run into three pitfalls that hinder effective listening. First, many think that negotiating is primarily a job of persuasion, and to them persuasion means talking. These people see talking as an active role and listening as a passive role. They tend to forget that it is difficult to persuade other people when you don't know what motivates these people.

Second, people tend to over-prepare for what they are going to say and to use their listening time waiting for their next turn to speak. While anticipating their next change, they may miss vital information they could use later in the negotiation.

Third, we all have emotional filters or blinders that prevent us from hearing what we do not want to hear. In my early sales career, I seemed to always waste time with clients who I thought would buy printing from me but never did. Now I very seldom have that problem. What experience has shown me is that the people who used to waste my time had no intention of using my services. If I had been a better listener, I would have been able to pick up on their true feelings.

Attentive Listening Skills

Great listening does not come easily. It is hard work. There are two major types of listening skills, attentive and interactive. The following attention skills will help you better receive the true meanings your counterparts are trying to convey.

1. Be motivated to listen. When you know that the person with the most information usually receives the better outcome in a negotiation, you have an incentive to be a better listener. It is wise to set goals for all the different kinds of information you would like to receive from your counterpart. The more you can learn, the better if you will be. The real challenge comes when you need to motivate yourself to listen to someone you do not like.

2. If you must speak, ask questions. The goal is to get more specific and better refined information. To do so, you will have to continue questioning your counterpart. Your questioning sequence will be moving from the broad to the narrow, and eventually you will have the information to make the best decision. The second reason to continue asking questions is that it will help you uncover your counterpart's needs and wants.

3. Be alert to nonverbal cues. Although it is critical to listen to what is being said, it is equally important to understand the attitudes and motives behind the words. Remember, a negotiator doesn't usually put his or her entire message into words. While the person's verbal message may convey honesty and conviction, his or her gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice may convey doubt.

4. Let your counterpart tell his or her story first. Many salespeople have learned the value of this advice from the school of hard knocks. One printing salesperson told me of how he had once tried to impress a new prospect by saying his company specialized in two- and four-color printing. The prospect then told the sales- person that she would not be doing business with his printing company because her business had a need for usually one-color printing. The salesperson replied that his company obviously did one-color printing also, but the prospect had already made her decision. Had the salesperson let the prospect speak first, he would have been able to tailor his presentation to satisfy her needs and wants.

5. Do not interrupt when your counterpart is speaking. Interrupting a speaker is not good business for two reasons. First, it is rude. Second, you may be cutting off valuable information that will help you at a later point in the negotiation. Even if your counterpart is saying something that is inaccurate; let him or her finish. If you really listen, you should gain valuable information to serve as the basis of your next question.

6. Fight off distractions. When you are negotiating, try to create a situation in which you can think clearly and avoid interruptions. Interruptions and distractions tend to prevent negotiations from proceeding smoothly or may even cause a setback. Employees, peers, children, animals, and phones can all distract you and force your eye off the goal. If you can, create a good listening environment.