Steps in Learning to Say "No":

• Ask yourself, "Is the request reasonable?" Hedging, hesitating, feeling cornered, and nervousness or tightness in your body are all clues that you want to say NO or that you need more information before deciding to answer.
• Assert your right to ask for more information and for clarification before you answer.
• Once you understand the request and decide you do not want to do it, say NO firmly and calmly.
• Learn to say NO without saying, "I'm sorry, but..."

Evaluate Your Assertions

• Active listening: reflecting back (paraphrasing) to the other person both words and feelings expressed by that person.
• Identifying your position: stating your thoughts and feelings about the situation.
• Exploring alternative solution: brainstorming other possibilities; rating the pros and cons; ranking the possible solutions.

Assertive Techniques

1. Broken Record - Be persistent and keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud. Stick to your point.
2. Free Information - Learn to listen to the other person and follow-up on free information people offer about themselves. This free information gives you something to talk about.
3. Self-Disclosure - Assertively disclose information about yourself - how you think, feel, and react to the other person's information. This gives the other person information about you.
4. Fogging - An assertive coping skill is dealing with criticism. Do not deny any criticism and do not counter-attack with criticism of your own.

• Agree with the truth - Find a statement in the criticism that is truthful and agree with that statement.
• Agree with the odds - Agree with any possible truth in the critical statement.
• Agree in principle - Agree with the general truth in a logical statement such as, "That makes sense."

• Negative Assertion - Assertively accepting those things that are negative about yourself. Coping with your errors.
• Workable Compromise - When your self-respect is not in question offer a workable compromise.

Method of Conflict Resolution

• Both parties describe the facts of the situation.
• Both parties express their feelings about the situation, and show empathy for the other person.
• Both parties specify what behavior change they would like or can live with.
• Consider the consequences. What will happen as a result of the behavior change? Compromise may be necessary, but compromise may not be possible.
• Follow up with counseling if you need further assistance.

Every Person's Bill of Rights

1. The right to be treated with respect.
2. The right to have and express your own feelings and opinions.
3. The right to be listened to and taken seriously.
4. The right to set your own priorities.
5. The right to say NO without feeling guilty.
6. The right to get what you pay for.
7. The right to make mistakes.
8. The right to choose not to assert yourself.

Source: This page complements of Louisiana State University Student Health Center

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