Viagra and Men: Relationships Still Count

by Julian Slowinski, Psy.D.

No doubt about it! Viagra, Cialis and Levitra have made a difference for millions of men and their partners. When the FDA approved Viagra, the first oral medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction in March, 1998, it opened a new world of possibilities to restore men to healthy sexual functioning. For many of these men, the capacity to have reliable erections has brought them and their partners much sexual satisfaction and a general sense of well being. The return to sexual potency greatly enriched the overall relationship satisfaction.

Thanks to the benefits of Viagra, many men found that they enjoyed sex more, and some had sex more frequently. While Viagra is not an aphrodisiac, men have reported an increase in sexual desire and arousal. Some even say that their orgasms felt more intense and enjoyable. Rather than being directly related to Viagra, these reports are most likely due to an increase in a man's general interest in sexual activity, which is brought on by their Viagra-assisted reliable erections.

It must be pointed out that even with the sexual success that having a good erection allows, there are many psychological and relationship components that are involved in a couple's sexual functioning. The ongoing quality of a couple's sex life will still continue to be based on past, present and future relationship issues.

For example, what effect did the erectile difficulty have on the man and his partner? What were his emotional and behavioral reactions to his erectile difficulties? What was the partner's response? How did the erectile difficulty affect the relationship and how did they cope? Was the partner upset or indifferent about not having sex?

What changes occurred in the relationship when, thanks to Viagra, erectile problems were no longer an issue? One couple may enjoy renewed sexual activity, while another might feel that sex will now be required on demand! This can place pressure on either partner to perform!

If the erectile difficulty was due to problems between the partners, have those matters been addressed? It is not unusual for men to think that everything is fine once modern medicine has helped to restore his erections. To avoid future problems, issues involving intimacy and communication about sexual matters may still need attention.

Even with the restoration of a man's erections, the same sexual turn-offs and difficulties surrounding sex, such as timing, frequency, life-style issues, sexual practices and techniques can still be a large factor in determining sexual satisfaction. In another example, did the female partner previously experience her own sexual difficulties? Did she have problems with sexual desire, arousal or orgasm? If so, to what extent did these difficulties contribute to the man's erectile problems? His erections may be fine now, but do her difficulties still exist?

In other words, once Viagra-assisted sexual potency is restored, the man and his partner may still find themselves with the same problems about sex which are similar to those couples where the man never had problem with erections. Does this mean that "successful sex" may not always be "satisfying sex?" For some men and their partners this is the case.

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What can be done? The answer varies according to the man and his circumstances. We have said that many men, and their partners, have enjoyed the positive and enormous benefits by using Viagra. For them, taking Viagra may have been all they needed. Other men are reminded that the benefits of restored erectile functioning still occurs within the individual and his relationships. The relationship may need extra attention in order to make "successful sex" become "satisfying sex" for both partners. Sexual health is well worth the effort.

Some Women Are Turned Off By Viagra

Next: Ejaculatory Disorders

Julian Slowinski, Psy.D. coauthor of The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions (W.W.Norton), a comprehensive guide for men and their partners. He is in practice at Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia, and a faculty member at the University of Pennsylvania Medical School.

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