Psychological Intimacy in the Lasting Relationships of Heterosexual and Same-Gender Couples

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The responses of these four partners reflected several themes that were central to understanding and defining psychological intimacy. One theme, openness, reflected a sense of comfort in "being one's self," to be able to reveal and say things to a partner that one felt could not be said to others; the use of the expression, "best friend," was often used by participants in describing this reciprocal dimension of their relationships. The second theme, interdependence, referred to maintaining separateness within the attachment to a partner. Maintaining interpersonal boundaries in these relationships apparently helped to sustain a sense of psychological intimacy; that is, individuals felt "safe" in revealing their inner thoughts and feelings because they could count on a partner to respect their separateness and to accept, if not understand, them. Third, psychological intimacy was not a constant in relationships but a sense or a representation in one's mind that one could confide in a partner if one needed to discuss personal matters. For both women and men, themes of connectedness, separateness, and mutuality were apparent in their responses, although men tended to emphasize proximity and women mutuality.

INDEPENDENT VARIABLES

In selecting the independent variables, two criteria were used:

1. The variable had to be identified in previous studies as a significant factor in shaping psychological intimacy.

2. The variable had to be related significantly to psychological intimacy in the chi-square analysis (see Table I) and not be correlated substantially with the dependent variable.

Based on these criteria, the independent variables were: conflict, conflict management style of the partner, decision-making, equity, sexual relations, importance of sexual relations, and physical affection.

There were questions that explored the nature of conflict. If disagreements and differences between partners had a negative effect on a participant and were viewed as disruptive to relationships, such as a cut-off in all verbal communication, conflict was coded as "major." Other conflictual matters between partners were coded "minimal."

Conflict management style was defined as the predominant way in which a participant and the partner dealt with differences and disagreements. Direct or face-to-face discussions of interpersonal differences between partners were coded "confrontive." If participants reported that they did not or could not discuss their thoughts and feelings in face-to-face encounters with their partners, such as denying their feelings or leaving the scene, the style was coded as "avoidant."

Participants were asked to discuss their "ways of making decisions." If decisions were usually made separately by one partner without the involvement of the other one, decision-making was coded "separate." If important decisions were made together, this variable was coded "mutual." The latter involved separate decision-making, depending on circumstances. For example, mothers at home with children often made decisions about discipline without talking with their partners. The criteria dealt with predominant modes of making decisions about significant matters, such as major purchases.

"Equity" referred to the sense of fairness in relationships. The questions were framed as follows: "Overall, have you felt a sense of fairness in the relationship?" "Despite differences, have things balanced out?" "Do you feel that your ways of solving problems as a couple has been generally fair to each of you?" If the responses to these inquiries were in the direction of an overall sense of fairness, this variable was coded "yes;" if not, it was coded "no."

Sexuality in relationships was explored through several inquiries. Participants were asked about physical affection, which referred to physical contact, such as hugging. If touching was a regular part of the relationship, physical affection was coded "yes;" if it was not, it was coded "no/mixed." This was part of the exploration of sexual relations, which included such questions as, "How have you gotten along sexually in terms of nonsexual intimacy, like hugging and touching?" Participants were also asked to assess the importance of genital sex in their relationships, coded as "important" or "not important." Genital sex that was "very important" early in relationships began to wane after several years. As the frequency and satisfaction with genital sex declined, psychological intimacy developed among most participants. For example, during the early years of these relationships, 76% of participants reported satisfaction with the quality of their sexual relations compared to 49% in the last 5 to 10 years. Alth ough comparable figures for psychological intimacy were 57% in the early years and 76% in recent years, this change was not statistically significant. Physical affection, such as hugging and touching, remained relatively constant throughout the years in contrast to the regression in sexual intimacy and the progression in psychological intimacy. Despite the change in sexual intimacy, genital sex continued to be seen as important from early through recent years.

FINDINGS

Cross tabulations were done for all research variables with reports of psychological intimacy in recent years. Personal and demographic factors did not have a statistically significant relationship to psychological intimacy during recent years (i.e., p [less than].01). The gender of participants was not related significantly to psychological intimacy, neither was the age of participants (categories = 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s). The number of years together (15-19, 20-29, 30-39, and 40 or more) was not significant. Indices of socioeconomic status were not significant: gross family income (5 categories, from [less than]$25,000 to [greater than]$100,000), and level of education (less than college, and college graduate graduate or more). Other social factors that were not significantly related to psychological intimacy in recent years included religious backgrounds (Protestant, Catholic and Jewish), race (white and non-white), and whether couples had children.

Table I shows the relational variables that were related significantly to psychological intimacy in recent years (p [less than] .01). More than 9 out of 10 participants described their relationships as psychologically intimate in recent years if they had also reported positive sexual relations and physical affection. Eight out of ten participants felt psychological intimacy in recent years was significantly associated with minimal relational conflict, a confrontive conflict management style in one's partner, mutual decision-making, a sense of relational equity and a continued importance of sexual reactions in their relationships.

Table II shows the phi coefficients of a correlation analysis between the dependent variable and each of the independent variables. A substantial correlation was found between psychological intimacy and the quality of communication ([phi] = .50). Based on this analysis, communication was not included as an independent variable in the theoretical model tested with logistic regression. (The rationale for that decision was discussed under the definition of psychological intimacy in the Methods section.) Low to negligible correlations were found between psychological intimacy and the independent variables of gender and sexual orientation. These variables were included in the two theoretical models: the first model contained the sexual orientation of couples, along with the other relational variables; the second model substituted gender of the participants for sexual orientation.

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Table III shows the results of a logistic regression analysis--this includes variables from Table I, which had also been found in previous research to be related significantly to psychological intimacy. Included in the model was the sexual orientation of couples. Variables in the model that were not related significantly to psychological intimacy included decision-making, the quality of sexual relations, and the importance of sexual relations to relationships. Factors that were predictive of psychological intimacy during recent years were physical affection between partners (B = 1.63, p = .01); the seriousness of conflict between partners (B = -2.24, p = .01); the conflict management styles of partners, as reported by participants (B = 1.16, p = .01); and the fairness or equity of relationships (B = 1.29, p = .01). On the factor of the sexual orientation of couples, lesbian couples differed from heterosexual couples (B = 1.47,p = .05) and gay male couples (B = 1.96, p = .03). Compared to the gay males and heterosexuals, lesbians were more likely to report that their relationships were psychologically intimate in recent years: 90% of lesbian, 75% of gay male, 72% of heterosexual participants; ([X.sup.2] = 6.04 (2df), p = .05).

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