Sexual Healing After Sexual Abuse

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Dissociation and numbness

Survivors of sexual abuse may also experience "dissociation" an impressive defense mechanism formed during ongoing sexual abuse, in which the person being abused "leaves" his body, and watches the abuse from some higher viewpoint. Unfortunately, this defense mechanism may result in a feeling of dissociation during desired sexual activity with a loved one later in life.

Related to dissociation is sexual "numbness," which is the outcome of a child willing her body to numb itself against arousal during unwanted touch. Some adult survivors become so adept at numbing parts of their bodies that they don't feel the pain of appendicitis, or even need Novocaine at the dentist.

According to Maltz, "People who have been sexually abused may also avoid sex or see it as an obligation. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, some people seek sex compulsively," Maltz expresses. "And they often have negative feelings associated with touch, such as fear, guilt, shame and anger."

How does the healing from childhood sexual abuse start?

Sexual problems sometimes occur later in life, taking people by surprise. According to a fair amount of research, problems may not emerge until people are in their late twenties or thirties and in a stable relationship, or until their children reach the same age as they were when their abuse began.

Many people seek therapy. Therapists have developed exercises to gradually help people reconnect with their bodies after the trauma of sexual abuse. For instance, therapist Yvonne M. Dolan helps her clients reconnect to their bodies by first asking them what activities inspire positive feelings. Bubble baths? Exercise? She then encourages clients to pursue those activities more often.

Maltz has developed a series of "relearning touch" exercises. In one of her exercises, two partners face each other, each putting his or her hand over the other's heart. "You're sending out feelings of appreciation," she says. "I've had survivors tell me that this exercise was their first experience as to what healthy sexuality would feel like. They had never before experienced a sense of sending or receiving love, respect and appreciation through touch."

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Why heal? Even in the midst of emotional and psychological turmoil, some survivors might be hesitant to open Pandora's Box and begin the difficult healing process. But Maltz is encouraging. "Healing your sexuality is like shedding layers of shame and self-doubt. Then you can move on to make positive connections with a lover and to express yourself creatively and in strong, powerful ways in the world."

Sex therapist Joy Davidson, Ph.D., who has also worked with people who were sexually abused, offers further inspiration. "The healing is only a first step. The true goal is to thrive and grow as sensual, sexual, erotic, vibrant, wild women, and to recognize that sexual pleasure is a birthright, a natural gift."

Last updated: 10/05

Heather Smith is a freelance writer who has written about health, food, and entertainment for online and print publications.

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