And in order to walk a Spiritual path, it is necessary to reprogram the mental perspectives of life that we learned growing up in a Spiritually hostile, shame-based society.

Perhaps the first, and certainly the most nurturing, thing we do when  starting to walk a Spiritual path is to start seeing life in a growth context - that is to start realizing that life events are lessons, opportunities for growth, not punishment because we screwed up or are unworthy.

We are Spiritual beings having a human experience not weak, shameful creatures who are here being punished or tested for worthiness. We are part of/an extension of an ALL-Powerful, Unconditionally Loving God-Force/Goddess Energy/Great Spirit, and we are here on Earth going to boarding school not condemned to prison. The sooner that we can start awakening to that Truth, the sooner we can start treating ourselves in more nurturing, Loving ways.

Life is constantly changing. There are always going to be endings and new beginnings. There is always going to be grief and pain and anger about what we have to let go of, and fear of what is to come. It is not because we are bad or wrong or shameful. It is just the way the game works.

So there is good news and bad news. The good news is that a New Age has dawned in human consciousness and that we now have tools, knowledge, and access to healing energy and Spiritual guidance that has never before been available. We are discovering the rules of the game that we have been playing for thousands of years by rules that don't work. 

The bad news is that it's a stupid game - or at least it feels like it some of the time. The more we understand that it is a game, that this is just boarding school, the easier it becomes to nurture ourselves by not shaming and judging ourselves. We are going to get to go home. We don't have to earn it  that's what Unconditional Love means.

Column Spring & Nurturing by Robert Burney

"Unconditional Love does not mean being a doormat - Unconditional Love starts with Loving yourself enough to protect yourself from people you love if that is necessary.  The relationship you describe is codependent - what that means is that you are both reacting to the emotional wounds and intellectual programming that you experienced in childhood.  You were attracted to each other because your wounds fit together - you felt familiar to each other on an emotionally energetic level.  The very feelings that brought you together are the same ones that keep separating you.  The problem isn't in what is happening now - the way the relationship has gone is a symptom of what happened to you both in childhood.  This relationship is a sign to you that you have some emotional wounds from childhood that need to be healed - they are a sign to her also but you can't make her want to do the work - you can only do the work for yourself."

"I am not sure what your male significant other's background is but he is reacting out of his childhood wounds also.  Sometimes, when a person comes from a home that was very emotionally volatile they think that you don't love them unless you will engage with them - that is respond to their goading;  or sometimes when a person doesn't have permission to own their own anger they will pick someone who expresses anger as a way of getting a release, through the other persons raging;  or he may be reacting out of his self-hatred, the wounded little boy in him that does not feel lovable, and may need to sabotage things when there is no turmoil or he feels you are giving him love he doesn't deserve;  or it could be his excuse to keep practicing an addiction, to drink or smoke dope or whatever. 

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Whatever is causing him to act that way it is not personal - it is not about who you really are, because you are just starting on the journey to finding our your True Self and your codependent defense system has been a mask you have been wearing to defend yourself - and he was attracted, in part at least, to the mask.  You two have come together because your perfectly push each other's buttons - it provides an opportunity to get in touch with and start healing your childhood wounds." 

"The way the dynamic in a dysfunctional relationship works is on a come here - go away cycle.  When one person is available the other tends to pull away.  If the first person becomes unavailable the other comes back and pleads to be let back in.   When the first becomes available again then the other eventually starts pulling away again.

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