Malignant Self Love
- Narcissism Revisited
Excerpts from the Archives
of the
Narcissism List
Part 22 cont.
4. Narcissists and Control
Narcissists - above absolutely all else - are control freaks.
This, for instance, is why they precipitate their own abandonment. By
bringing abandonment upon themselves - they feel that they control it.
To the narcissist, lack of control results in excruciating pain.
Control means alleviation, amelioration, or even annihilation of pain.
Narcissists cannot face loss of control coupled with loss of a major source
of supply.
This is why they commit incest - so disproprtionately that it was once
thought that narcissism is a sexual paraphilia (disorder). Through sexual union
with their off spring they seek to merge with him or her and to transform him
or her to be the narcissist's extension, thus never to abandon them.
This is why they sometimes stalk their ex-spouses. This is why they cripple
their loved ones (always emotionally, in extreme cases physically). They thrive
on the dependence and neediness of their sources of supply.
5. Meaningful to Who?
It is impossible to have a relationship with a narcissist that is meaningful
to the narcissist.
It is, of course, possible to have a relationship with a narcissist that is
meaningful to you (see FAQ 66).
6. Is Narcissism Learned? Can it be Unlearned?
Is narcissism LEARNED?
It is often a reactive formation, a result of unbalanced (overly negative or
overly positive) reinforcements. It is some form of conditioning. It is an
adaptive strategy and an amalgam of defense mechanisms.
It is all learned. Maybe not consciously - but it IS learned (it is not of
genetic origin, or not predominantly so).
So, can it be UNLEARNED?
For instance, by behaving UN-narcissistically?
Some say: No, on the contrary, such an effort will REINFORCE the narcissism.
Others hold the opposite view.
Who knows?
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