September 28, 2000 5:48 PM EST

My parents are psycho! They came over this afternoon. Dad is banging on the door. I open it.

"Open the garage!" he shouts.

"Why!?"

"Open the garage! I have to get in!"

"Why?!"

"Because I have to go to your yard."

"Why can't you just come in through the front door and go out through the patio?"

"Open the garage!"

"I can't! The Talon is in there! There is no room!" Me thinking he's brought the BBQ grill and patio furniture for the party already.

"Ay!" he grimaces.

"Want me to open the side door in the fence?" I ask.

"Yeah, do that!" and he runs off leaving me agog.

So I go through the house and open up the fence on the side yard. Mom is already there shouting at Dad, who is coming up on the sidewalk and driving on the grass.

"Cathy, watch out! Dad, don't hit the tree!" Mom waves her arms. I jump back through the door into the yard and peer out at my Dad backing up the van all crazy.

"What are you people DOING!? You are on the grass! A patio table is not that heavy!" I start shouting. Shouting is a thing in my family. Everyone just... shouts.

Dad gets out of the can, slams the door, and accuses me, "Why don't you have a dolly!?"

"I'm supposed to have a dolly?!" I boggle. "What do I lug around soooo much that I would buy a dolly?!"

He turns to my mother to yell at her while pointing at me. "She doesn't have a dolly!"

Mom shouts at me. "You don't have a dolly! Now we'll just have to carry it together then. Ay!"

"What are you crazy people shouting about!?" Secretly convinced they've decided to bring all this patio stuff over early and are now making a larger production than necessary. Some lawn chairs. An extra card table. A BBQ grill. What's so hard about that?!

Dad looks around furtively. "We better hurry up so I can move the van so the neighbors don't complain about the grass!" He flings open the back of the van.

And sitting there in two boxes are 1) a trampoline cover and 2) a 13 foot trampoline.

"A TRAMPOLINE?! YOU'VE BROUGHT ME A TRAMPOLINE!?" I scream and go into shock.

"Yes, we were going to wait until your party but I'm not going to have time -- too much rushing around so we decided to bring it today, " mom shouts.

"Stop shouting at help me get this out!" Dad hollers.

We unload and Dad runs back into the van to drive it away.

"What on earth possessed you to buy a trampoline NOW when you would never buy me one when I wanted it when I was a kid?" I boggle.

"Because we were scared you or Karen would fall and crack a head open. Now if you break your head it's your problem!" Mom laughed. "But now you have to invite us over to jump in it!"

"I never knew you wanted to jump on a trampoline too!" I am amused.

Putting the frame together was sort of awkward but we managed. We lost a screw in the grass and we discovered one of the clips was bent so I called up the company and they are mailing replacements. After we got the mat on it, Mom wanted to be first. But then she was too short to get up on it by herself and Dad was swinging in the swing because he was tired from doing most of the clips that attach the mat to the frame.

"Lift me up!" Mom shouts.

"Where do I grab you to lift you up? Why can't you just crawl on to it? Or jump up?"

"Emily just jump. Don't be silly!" Dad calls from the swing.

"I can't jump!" She hops to show us that she's too short to jump high enough to get on the trampoline. "I can't jump! I am too short! Help me!"

I try to grab my mom by the waist but then she gets ticklish and start squirming around swatting me.

"Mom! How can I grab you if you keep wiggling like that?"

"You are grabbing me!" she cracks up, which starts me going. "Help! She's GRABBING me!!" she flaps her arms around towards my dad.

"I am going to pinch you if you don't stop laughing so much! Stop that dancing around!"

"Ok, lift me up!" she tries to get serious and then as soon as I grab her waist she busts up in my face again and starts spitting at me.

"If you want me to lift you up you have to cooperate not spit!" I crack up. "Ok, I will grab your waist, and when I say 'three' you jump and I will try to help lift you up higher. Ready? One....two....THREE!"

Mom hops and I fling her up on there and she starts waving her legs in the air rolling around. Dad has this weird expression on his face watching her like he doesn't know whether to laugh or worry. Mom starts bouncing around on her knees because she's too scared to stand on it and jump that way. We all took turns playing in it and laying on it and basically fooling around until time for them to go home to have dinner.

I'm still in shock. But when Paul gets home in another hour he's going to be even more shocked to find this monster trampoline in the backyard.

I have a trampoline! Whee!

I have a trampoline! Whee!

After more than 15 years of trampoline lust....

I have a trampoline! Whee! :)

~Astrophe