July 12, 2000 -- 1:39 PM EST

I feel hot. I feel angry. I feel pissed. So no, I did not start out my day with smiley sunshine vibes.

Right before bed last night, I found an anonymous person on the teen board I help moderate crying out for help because of a parent beating them but left no contact info. So I posted the abuse hotline numbers out of Deal With It! to the board hoping the kid finds them and just fumed. I hope this poor kid screws up the nerve to call someone on the local level and gets themselves out of this situation. NOBODY deserves treatment like that!

What's the matter with people?!

And why do people get so scared by books like Deal With it? Is it because of the frank sex talk? About protection and STDs and all that other stuff? So because of some prudish sex weirdness some person won't buy a kid a resource book like that. So then, when the big trouble happens, the kid won't have the information or resources or numbers or anything to help them make a sane decision or help them get to help?

Real smooth.

Blah. Sonofabitch! No matter WHATa kid does, you don' t BEAT them like that! .

I really HATE it when someone abuses power over children. GRRRRRR!

Then I woke up suddenly at 4:30 AM this morning because I was on fire. The humidity was at 97%, the heat index made it 80 deg F. I had all this pent up energy and frustration and the gym didn't even open until 5:30 AM so that was out as an option and I can't go tonight because I have to work. I did some angry laundry to get clean gym clothes for whenever I DO get around to working out today. IF I get there.

The predicted high for today was 93 deg. It is now 95 deg with the heat index at 106 deg! YARGH! I'm frying! I need to hose the iguanas that are outside down. It might not get cool enough to be outside. Dammit, the only other alternative is a video tape if I want a hard workout.

I really HATE videos!

[...]

Paul and I are starting to fight over the thermostat. I know he is hot. I am HOTTER than him with this extra fat that he doesn't have to contend with. But we can't go with another monster power bill either.

He's trying to be patient and understanding. This means he is affectionate and I just want to punch him and scream "Don't touch me!" because the last thing I need is his hot, sticky body on me. Under other circumstances his hot, sticky body might excite me. Under these, I just want to strangle him.

It's not his fault I get really irritable in heat, so I am trying to be nice but if he doesn't listen about my needing lots of space right now I am going to pick a fight and he won't like it. He can think affectionate thoughts all he wants. Just don't touch me.

He's playing it safe -- he e-mails me bribery and hello's from work instead:

Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2000 22:19:38 -0400 (EDT)
From: Paul
To: Cat
Subject: potatoe head

I wanna mister potatoe head, makes me think of you ;) I got you something today that has to do with paper, can you guess what?

Love You,

me

p.s. Have I got any packages in the mail today?

He made me laugh, but that hurt my head. And he needs to set the clock on that machine, it's time dateing everything wrong.

[...]

I also have that annoying headache again that I had most of the day yesterday. Paul suggested that it might be from dehydration so I upped my minimum water goal from 2L to 3L.

Basically, I'm all wound up to be a total bitch today. Yuck.

~Astrophe