May 9, 2000 -- 9:41 AM EST

After the credits on X-Files Sunday night when the little kid voice comes on and says "I made this!" Paul turned to me and in a goofy voice said. "When I make you pregnant, I'll say 'I made this!'"

I hit him.

We're having too much fun playing MaybeBaby lately.

[...]

I didn't even tell about Saturday's bike ride.

We drove to Jacksonville for the day to see my friend Nancy and her current boyfriendish guy, Dave. We all got our gear and then went to Hanna Park. Nancy swore I'd be fine, but I was more inclined to believe my guidebook, which rates Hanna Park as moderate-difficult single bike track.

I had a blast! It was so much fun! All twisty and turny and bumpy and slopey and everything. I made everyone go ahead of me though, because I'm the slowest and the most paranoid of the group. There were a few sections of the bike trail that barely squished between the trees, and any time there was a compound obstacle (compound to me meaning more than one thing at once) I slowed down to think about how to deal with it. It was much better riding last so I wouldn't be slowing anyone else down.

I can deal with roots. I can deal with slopes. I can deals with bridges. I can deal with narrow places. But string them all together so it's a rooty slope down across a narrow bridge and then back up another rooty hill with a big fat log and a sharp turn and I will have issues.

The very last trail, called "Misery" for good reasons, was so evil I simply gave up and walked my bike out of it. I didn't feel bad though because Nancy and Dave are much better bikers, and who did I catch up with further ahead also walking? Paul!

We were gone about 2-3 hours. Afterwards we went back to Nancy's for lunch, and we ate out on the lawn and chatted about nothing in general and relaxed. It was a very nice day. Then we drove back home.

I can't think of a nicer weekend.

[...]

Today I am interrupted by my mom on the phone.

"I have little holes in my yard. What are you doing?"

"Ok... ah, working..."

"I don't know what it is. I think it is an armadillo. What do I do?"

"Uhhhh..... I don't know, Mom. I don't know anything about those guys. Why don't you call Animal Control?"

"And then what will they do?"

"I have no idea. I am telling you to call Animal Control and ask THEM what to do about an armadillo, not ME. How do you know it's an armadillo anyway? Have you seen it?"

"When are you picking me up Sunday? Where are we going?" Mom, leaping to another conversation.

"Ack... um... trail riding? Then out to eat?"

"Will this trail fit my tricycle?"

"Yes, it's wide and paved over."

"Ok, pick me up and don't leave me waiting!"

"Ok, maybe we can go eat around that side of town if you have any place special in mind..." me trying to figure out restaurants.

"No, I haven't seen it but I can hear it at night. Besides what do you think I am going to be doing at midnight in the dark?" mom swtiching back to the first conversation.

"Turn on a light to see what the noise is in the yard?" I boggle, trying to catch up.

"And the baby?" Mom jerking off into another thread.

"What baby?" I flounder. "Armadillo?"

"You mean she hasn't had it yet? I thought she was due in April!" Mom sails right past me.

"Oh, THAT baby, yes it arrived fine. They named her Sarah."

"You didn't tell me!" Mom accuses.

"I'm trying to catch up!" I protest. "I was going to tell you!"

"Do they hide in the day time?" she ignores me. "Because there are little holes."

"Huh?" Me, totally confused now.

"And inside the little holes are little poops. Bigger than frog poop but smaller than dog poop. Your father thinks it might be a stray dog but I told him it can't be a dog because the holes are in the front and in the back yard. How can a dog get over the fence?"

"Why are you telling me about poop?!"

"So is it an armadillo?" she demands, still ignoring me.

"I have NO IDEA! Call Animal Control!"

"And then what will they do?" Back to square one.

Sometimes I think my mom is faking these things just to call me up and purposely baffle me. Like I need to be thinking about armadillo poop today.

~Astrophe