April 18, 2000 -- 8:34 PM EST

Reactions are interesting. Weird, but interesting. My own reactions are still going strong. I'm not quite over the initial newness yet, the thrill of the beginnings. I'm sure I'll be in the bitching of the middle soon enough, but I'm still here at the beginnings and it's still shiny and squeaky new.

Other people's reactions are interesting too.

Paul? Well, he was puzzled at first when I showed him the marathon training manual that came in the mail because while he could see it was a training manual, he didn't quite understand what I was gibbering about. I was still hyper from the afternoon post. He thinks I can do it because he knows I'm a driven sort of gal.

Cyberbuddies? Some immediately pledged, all offered support, suggestions, and congratulations and confidence in me. That felt good too.

Then my mother called me up this morning to scream at me.

"Do you KNOW how long 26 miles is? That's from here to (insert dinky little town 26 miles away)!"

"Yes, Mom."

"Are you fit for that?"

"I will be, Mom. I'm not RUNNING. I am walking."

"Yes, but are you fit for that? What if something happens?"

"If I get injured or sick before race day I just won't do it. I'm not crazy."

"But what if something happens?"

"If I get tired or have a problem, I'll just get picked up and driven back to wherever the med station will be."

"What's Paul think?"

"He thinks it's fine."

"Are you crazy? 26 miles?!"

"Yes. 26 miles."

"And you are going to do this?"

"Yup."

"Sigh. Well, that's your business then."

She hung up with misgivings and she's more nervous than me. I know she's just nervous and worried because nobody in my family ever did anything like this. My family is not into fitness.She doesn't want me to get hurt. Neither do I. I can understand that to her 26 miles seems really big. It's big to me too.

But gimme a break!

Ok, so it will be hard. Ok, so I have to train. Ok, so I have work at it and it will be challenging.

But I'm 24, I'm not decrepit. I'm planning a check-up with both a GP and a foot doctor, and thinking ahead for what my needs will be. I have a training manuals and an assorted of info on-line, and I can borrow books for more suggestions. I don't plan to run. I am going to walk. I don't plan to win. I just want to participate. I'm not going into this blindly or under-informed. It's just something I have to do.

Iif I can walk 4-5 miles a day without a problem while I'm still overweight, when so many other people at "normal" weights don't or can't ... gimme one good reason why can't I do 26 miles seven months from now with proper preparation?

It's not like I planned to marathon this weekend! Jeez!

Nothing gets my gall more than somebody telling me I can't do something. Or even just the impression that they think I can't. Or "shouldn't."

I'm not unreasonable. Given good reasons, I could see why doing some things might not be good. Sniffing glue is bad because it can kill you. It's not a good idea to wear dark clothes and lay down in the middle of the road on a dark night. You could get run over by someone who doesn't see you while driving.

But fear of the unknown is not a good enough reason for me not to participate in a marathon. Millions of people do them. It doesn't kill them. So I've never done it before. Well, there's a first time for everything.

You can't be afraid to do everything in your life. You have to take some risks or you aren't ever going to have new experiences. I don't need to live my life in a rut. I already live in suberbia!

~Astrophe