March 20, 2000 -- 7:07 PM EST

Sometimes, I forget that Paul is less demonstrative about his worries and fears than I am. He's slow burning and smoldering while I'm hot and raging.

The other day over lunch he told me out of nowhere that he was glad his mom's SO pulled through ok and managed to avoid bypass. They managed to unclog the artery without resorting to more extreme measures.

"It worries me though. He's one of the most fit people I know."

Then he mused over his own fitness, his own diet, his desires for his health and being glad that I've gotten him biking at least.

"I don't want to be too sedentary and I don't want to wind up like him when I'm in my 50's. That is not old. Then while I can eat vegetarian when we are eating at home, when I eat out sometimes I just want meat."

"I'm not asking you to go vegetarian unless you chose to do so on your own. All I want for you is to eat better and keep it reasonable, and be active."

"That's what I want too. I want to be reasonable. I think I've changed a lot but there is still room for improvement."

"Mmm." I grunted, noncommittally.

I just nodded. It's like the housework, when he does it. I just accept it, don't make a big deal out of it. Inside though, I am bursting with glee.

[...]

I'm a thinking a lot about wholeness, and being a whole person.

Fitness, food, emotions, self-esteem, body image, sexuality, denial, eating disorders, self-mutilation.

Such a wide scope of things and then they all get tangled up together.

~Astrophe