Anxiety Attack, Stress, Money Problems

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Astrophe's Journal

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February 15, 2000 -- 4:54 PM EST

I am on the brink of an anxiety attack. This does not feel good to me. I thought it was just me feeling gross yesterday when I ate my Raisin Bran, but today I am not only nauseated, but jittery too. If I don't calm down I am going to give myself a neck rash and then that's no good. I can't sleep at night, staying awake listening to my head grind out worries and thoughts.

Breathe, breathe.

What's stressing me out so much?

DMV, filing for homestead exemption. That's something I've been trying to do and I haven't done it yet and the deadline is looming. So I am taking off tomorrow to go do it, I called the property appraisal's office and got all the info I need. Ok. That's taken care of. But I will feel better tomorrow afternoon once it is done.

Work. New project, usual stress. I want to work at night, when Paul is asleep. Then I don't have these house distractions, phone calls, him underfoot. He told me not to fall into that pattern again. (I used to work graveyard.) He'll never see me! Which is true. We never saw each other when I worked graveyard.

Money. This car stuff is starting to really worry me. Paul hasn't done a damn thing with it, and I am getting annoyed. I don't like to be beholden -- while it's great he can use the company Jeep, he also needs to get it back and use his own car. He needs this car working, and needs to spend this weekend doing it. Which means I am going to charge the repairs to it on my credit card. This stresses me out because of...

... dealing with our budget, our needs. How much do I need to work? How much can I stand to work and still keep up with the house? What's going on here?

Also have to do my taxes.

I guess while he is dealing with the car this weekend I ought to go ahead and get these taxes nailed. Sigh.

Meanwhile I have no clean clothes. What the hell?! I had to run out today at lunch to get enough food to tide us over til this weekend when I have more time to think, do.

Ok, I feel calmer now. Maybe I just needed to make a list of things so I can work my way down it? Priorities. Right.

~Astrophe