I cannot tell you precisely what is best for your friend, spouse or relative. I can only give you some guidelines. The rest is up to you.

1. Don't ask very general questions; you won't get a meaningful answer. As an example: Rather than asking "How are you?" ask "How are you today compared to yesterday?" or something of this kind. Make the question open-ended, so the person can say what he or she wants, but provide something specific for them to talk about.
2. Try to get the person out. He or she will want to isolate themselves--hibernate, even--but this is exactly what should not happen. Take walks, go shopping, go to a movie, whatever you have to, to get the person out of the environment they are trying to take shelter in. You may get some resistance, and even complaints; be persistent but not unreasonable.
3. Don't be afraid to let your spouse, relative or friend talk about whatever they want to. Even if they mention self-injury, or they are suicidal, you are not endangering them by listening. Actually, you are helping to protect them from those things; talking helps them deal with these feelings.
4. Keep an eye out for any changes in behavior. These can include appetite, sleep habits, drinking or drug abuse, anything at all. Any major changes may be a sign of trouble.
5. Little things go a long way for someone with clinical depression. Small gifts and favors seem much bigger to them than to you. Don't be afraid to (for example) leave the person a short note with a smiley face on it. Even if it seems silly or hokey, small considerations will help.
6. There are a couple of web pages which speak to this issue better than I can, so please view them:

Best Things To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed
Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

top | if you know | what to say | depression isn't | accepting | take care

home | about me | my experience | share your experiences | depression signs
general info | what to do if | depression-other conditions | depression treatments
email me