Appendix (4): Good Mood: The New Psychology of Overcoming Depression

Good Mood

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Good Mood:
The New Psychology
of Overcoming Depression

Chapter 13

cont.

If you are afflicted with "masturbating" and "catastrophizing," examine the basis of your beliefs about what you "must" do, and the terrible consequences you believe will ensue if you don't do it.

As to the notion of "must" or "ought": Usually it is more correct to say that you want to do or be certain things. Any "must" or "ought" is just one of your wants, but converted into a command that turns the desire into a compulsion. Is it an important enough want to be sad about? And after you think about it as a "want" rather than an "ought," do you still feel as strongly about it as before? Are you as disturbed about not satisfying the "must" as before?

As to the consequences of not doing what you think you "must," ask yourself: Why must you finish college? Will you be unable to make a living if you don't? Will people you like refuse your company if you don't? Will you be a bad person if you don't? Or do you think you must finish college because a relative once told you that you "must," when you were a child?

You may experience an extraordinary sense of relief when you suddenly conclude that you don't have to do something or be something you believed that you "must." You can feel free as a bird and light as a feather after feeling weighted down and overloaded by the unwelcome burden. Try for yourself! Ask yourself honestly: Why must I do ---- ? And what will happen if I don't?

Ellis and Harper re-train people as follows:

When clients (in individual or group therapy) state, "I must work harder at the office," or "I should not hate my mate," we frequently interrupt them with: "You mean, "It would prove better if you worked harder at the office," or "You preferably should not hate your mate."(4.1)

When you shed these unnecessary oughts and musts, you lighten and sweeten your denominator, and remove the sources of much sadness and depression.

Sweetening Your Denominator By Counting Your Blessings

There is a long and honorable tradition of writers who reduce sadness by inspiring people to "think positively", ranging from Bertrand Russell (5) to Norman Vincent Peale, with lots of lesser writers in between them intellectually.

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This method is simple: you remind yourself how well off you are compared to the situation you might be in. The mechanism works this way: you shift to a radically different standard of comparison than you begin with. Instead of comparing your minor arthritis with perfect painless freedom of movement, you shift to comparing yourself with a paralytic. Instead of comparing your daughter who just threw a stone through the neighbor's window with a kid that never gets into trouble, you compare her against a really delinquent child, or a child that lacks vitality enough even to get into trouble. Instead of comparing your third- highest salary raise to that of the person in your office who gets the biggest raise, you compare it to the average or the lowest raise.

Different people use different devices to shift their denominators to those that make their present situations seem blessed. My own practice is that whenever I feel myself sinking into unfavorable self-comparisons in work or family situation, I ask myself "Compared to what?" This usually serves to jolt me into seeing the absurdity of considering myself as ill-served by life when so many people that I can think of are much worse- served in that particular respect. Then I'm amused at myself, and sadness is behind me (if the device happens to be working that day).

Does this anti-depression tactic seem more like philosophy than psychology? Choose the label you like. But more and more, the wisest psychologists have come to view many (though not all) depressions as philosophical in origin, and therefore as requiring a change of philosophy for a cure; some philosophers have known this for thousands of years. William James made this very clear when he talked of the depressive as a "sick soul." And Ellis and Harper put the matter bluntly: "For effecting permanent and deep-seated emotional changes, philosophic changes appear virtually necessary."(6)

Certainly there is nothing wrong with the technique of counting your blessings. Professional counselors often use it to good effect. And it often works for all of us when we are sad in a mild or transient way. Why, then, is it not a sufficient cure for all depression?

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