Life with bipolar disorder: An online diary Part 13

11.28.00

I'm working hard. REALLY hard. Instead of having a team of 4 in my unit, we are only 2 now. One left because she couldn't take it anymore and the other was sort of asked to leave after she hit one of the kids who was pulling the instructor's hair and trying to knock her head into a wall.

I'm pulling double shifts and I'm totally exhausted. I have no free time whatsoever and I keep running from work to work. My diet now consists of Kababs (sort of like a burger) and french-fries (twice a day). I already feel the pressure is getting into me. I'm restless and uptight. I keep forgetting stuff and losing my temper with people.

My shrink told me to forget about doing anymore overtime but I simply have no choice. I'm totally losing it. I also work on weekends, so I don't even have a day off to "re-charge." I've been spending what's left of my free time online in the psychology forum. It helps a lot !

The work itself is also VERY hard. We had a lot of violent incidents. Kids tried to throw chairs on my head, hit me with broomsticks and threatened me with knives and scissors. I'm not going to list the hitting, kicking and the sort.

I must admit that it's quieter now. The group is doing better. Let's hope it will last. My shrink wants me to quit and same goes for my parents. I keep hanging in there with everything I got. I hope it will get better. I need this job for the experience and I am learning. God, the things we do to get accepted to an Master's program.

Trill

"One of the sources of pride in being a human being is the
ability to bear present frustrations in the interests of
longer purposes."
~ Helen Merrell Lynd ~

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