Life with bipolar disorder: An online diary Part 12

9.15.00

Things are going pretty well. I started work about 2 weeks ago and so far I'm doing okay. It's hard though, really really hard (but I'm still going to stick with it !). I also have lots to do at my other job (teaching assistant). I haven't started working on it yet, mostly because I don't have time and I find it hard to study again. I need to learn a lot and translate articles and I don't really feel like doing it. I will finish it on time though - still got 3 weeks.

Since I was really worried about the stress of these new jobs and my lack of confidence brought on by my shrink and the other psychologist, I decided to start therapy again. It seems I still need that "real" someone to stick by me and make sure I'm okay. Not that I think it would work. My experience with therapy so far has been "less than successful" - and that would be the understatement of the year. I don't do well in therapy and I know it.

I just hope I have the right therapist this time. I've only seen him twice so far, but it might actually work out. Unlike the rest of my therapists, this one is a psychiatrist and not a psychologist, which I think it a good idea. This means that I have 2 shrinks now: The old one to take care of the medication side of things and the new one for psychotherapy. Not bad for someone who has been stable for two years now. LOL

The other good thing about him is that he isn't into dynamic / psychoanalytic treatment. I finally found someone who doesn't believe in these things. This was one of the major reasons my previous therapies didn't work out too well. I get really pissed when someone wants to talk about my childhood (1-3 years old), my mom and how she might have messed up my life (she had to right? WRONG !!!), my dreams, and whatever sex-related stuff they symbolize. I leave this mumbo-jumbo to other people. I like logic (sorry, but I do).

What else is new? Well, I've been trying to take some time off from the net. I don't have that much time to spend on it anyhow, but I also need to find other things to do in my spare time. I've been reading a lot and I almost forgot how much fun that can be and it wasn't psychology related stuff but a normal book. Harry Potter, fantasy and others. The fact that my life revolved solely around the psychiatry/psychology field was taking it's toll on me and I need to break free.

Trillian

"The search for a new personality is futile; what is fruitful
is the interest the old personality can take in new activities."
~ Cesare Pavese ~

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